MYBOYS KEEP ME ALIVE!

I wake up everyday trying to think positive, trying to remember that my day will come. I am 37, have many undiagnosed medical issues and am on welfare. The state of MAINE gives me 585.00 to live on a month along with food stamps and mainecare. The rent for my apartment which is in the worst part of town is still 700.I live as cheap as I can possibly do. My phone is 40.00 a month. My electric runs about 60. and we currently have cable with internet for 65. month set for 2 years. I also have 36.61 for car insurance and of course the regular necessities for living. I use all the programs I qualify for and try to make money anytime I can. I quit smoking, I don’t drink and I do not go out anywhere unless I need to so I save on gas. If I am lucky I get child support for one of my boys but that is not very often. Besides the undiagnosed issues I have some that have been named and am on many medications. I have a co-pay that I am supposed to pay but charge as much as I can because I can not pay it. I struggle to remember to make my kids do their homework and do their chores everyday. It seems my life is a constant battle but, my kids are worth it. No matter how down I get and how much I wish I could just give up I know that I can not. I could not imagine how that would just devastate my kids. I am all that they have and they are all that I have.I do not know anyone else who knows that everything you do and everything you say to your kids as they grow forms the adults they become. I want my kids to grow to be healthy, happy adults living full adult lives not children living adult lives trying to compensate what they feel they missed out on as kids. I just hate that my kids have to suffer for things they had nothing to do with. They did not ask to be brought in to this world and they did not ask to have a mother who can not care for them properly. I give my kids all of me on a daily basis. I could not imagine what my life would be like with out my inspiration to live, my two boys. I may not agree with most of the cards I have been dealt in this world but I would not trade my boys for all the money in the world, or, not to be sick a day in my life. My boys are my life.