Posted in my thoughts, Psychology, self-help, Uncategorized

Depressed????


The past two years of my life have been the best ever with a few exceptions, I am a creative person through to my soul. Decoration, is a passion, but this year it’s gone? I have a beautiful home, a loving amazing husband, so what’s wrong with me? I look at all my decorations and just don’t feel like putting them up. Yes,I am stressed, my house is always turned upside down with remodeling, I have half a kitchen, no doors on the cabinets or drawers but the rest is done. I have shoes and pillows piled up on shelves cause my dog won’t stop chewing them, although I know he does it to get attention, which I am not giving him? I don’t feel like Christmas. I don’t know were It is but, it is not here, not inside me. I had cut back two of my depression meds in the past 6 months, could that be it? I was put on Prozac at 18. I took 40 mil till I was about 30. Then they said,it’s not working anymore, I started cymbalta, I was on 60 for mental then on 30 for pain. I also take webutrin, was on 300, cut back to 150. But now, I don’t know what is wrong with me?

Posted in my thoughts, Parents, Psychology, self-help, tips & tricks, Uncategorized, WOW Stuff

Injection form of suboxen?


www.sublocade.com/

Now for you who do not know, suboxen is a small film medication that you put under your tongue to dissolve and is used to treat opioid addiction. It stops the ability to feel the effects of opioids, stops withdrawals and helps with urges for opioids.

It started in a hexagon shaped orange colored pill form and comes in, 2,4 and 8 mg. ( I believe that is all but don’t quote me) When companies or agencies realized that people had started crushing and snorting it to get a high like effect, a contradiction to its use, they had to rethink it. It sold quick and easy on the streets and they all were exactly the same with No way to trace them back to the original prescription owner. They made a generic that was not as strong and from what I remember didn’t stay long. I think they turned that into the subutex, a form given to pregnant woman that would help with cravings and withdrawals but not be as harmful to the baby. If one did too much suboxen they would nod off, or fall asleep, pass out, doze off, etc,etc,etc,

Then they made the film form, something that as far as I know, there is no way to exploit so it worked for its needs except they still were able to sell films on the street, in Maine the street value of suboxen is usually $1.00 a milligram, some people double it. Now the films come in little envelope type squares with a cut up in the corner so you could rip it open, they also have bar codes and batch numbers, making it easier to trace and check to make sure the envelopes all matched the batch they were supposed to be in and to the person they were supposed to be prescribed to, that made it a very minor harder to sell but not much..

So, now we have this once a month injection thing coming out. That will definitely help with the doing more than prescribed or selling issues, but, it’s still addicting and still just another form of suboxen. Not really going to help with the opioid crisis.

I have been a recovering addict for 13 years, on suboxen, after a roughly 2 or 3 year affair of drug use. I literally started at the bottom on a 500 mil of Vicodin’s and went up from there, never booted though. I had my limits and the whole thing started with prescribed pain medications for myself, then I lost my doctors, so I was introduced to a whole new world. Being a single mother, you will do what ever it takes to be able to care for your kids, never mind the consequences.The withdrawals from the suboxen are worse than from the pills and my body is weak with my Addison’s disease it makes them deadly for me. I will be able to get off it someday. I am down to 2 mg a day. , and have been stuck at that amount for 5 years. I am tired of it.

Posted in my thoughts, organized

The pills!


I already take my share of meds, I have the ones to keep me alive, I have my thyroid, my gerd, cymbolta, iron, vitamins, Wellbutrin, now tho I am trying to get off the suboxon after 10 years! I am tired of taking all this crap. I just got on adderall to see if we can fix the whole reason I got on the suboxen, it gave me energy or motivation. Everything I have focuses on fatigue as the main symptoms. I hate it. Now the dr is saying that I may have the motivation but I’m still not able to finish anything.

I need to be able to===

take care of house, husband, teen boy living at home. I have my 26 year old step son who just got out of jail for being an alcoholic car thief (yup, that’s right!) living here, he has two kids whose mother is neglectful and horrible to them so we will have them two also soon, I still have boxes packed from moving in over a year ago. My kitchen is only half built, I have not started my bedroom, just my husband clothes, I have a crafting room that we started but I had to move to make a room for my step son, so now I have stuff everywhere till I can reorganize my laundry room to use as a craft sewing room as well.

I read on how to do this and that but can not make heads or tails most of the time when I try to figure out how to start.

This blog, I have crafting, photography , psychology, my tails from my three boys and my husband and I, and none of it really makes much sense!!!!

Posted in my thoughts

Reblog button


Sometimes my mind is so full and mixed up that I can’t think straight. I want to write but I end up with a bunch of different thoughts that really make no sense to anyone else. The whole concept of writing a blog post, beginning, middle and end, ya ok, not! I have a multiple middle that has no end. Those are the days I repost! There are so many great blogs out there and sometimes my mind is on so many things that it is easier to just go through other blogs and repost things. Not all the blogs I follow have a reblog button and then I have to either use the share button or I skip it.

Would not it be easy to reblog our life at times?

Posted in My Photos of Maine, my thoughts, organized, photography

Alcoholic


My step son from my first marriage is an alcoholic. He hit his bottom and spend 6 months in jail. Now he is here living with us as he begins his journey of sobriety, becomes a better man and father , to find his inner strength to fight the girl who devastated him from the inside out and then took his kids away from him. This is not just him riding on it all but his kids as well.

At the same time my husband and I struggle to support four people, two vehicles and a house on just his income and my raising medical co pays.

The dr has been trying to change my medications to lower the amounts and help me with my complete lack of vocabulary, inability to think and articulate and organize, and so on and so on. The motivation is the only good thing come out of it so far.

Posted in my thoughts

Rejected!!


I saw a post of Facebook about a group of people called Tinkergardeners that do outside classes with kids up to 8 learning through play. I did all the reading and thought it sounded like a great fit for me. I love kids, learning and teaching, I can’t work full time but part time I can do. Classes are an hour long and one a day would be great. Bla, bla, bla. The requirements were good, I did all the first applications and then got to the live one way interview. You have a question, one min to think and then one minute to answer. I thought I did ok. But, I just got an email that while they appreciate my interest, they are unable to complete my application at this time! Hit like a rock! I was not expecting that at all!

Amazing photos


This is such a beautiful site and I truly feel “artist“ is the only word to describe this photographer. I do not know him personally, I am not getting anything out of this, it is just my opinion that his photos are pure art and I love just looking through them. I do have a thing for birds and nature but I think you should look for your self! Follow this link and check out this great photo of a Warbler.

via Chestnut-sided Warbler #10

Posted in My Photos of Maine, my thoughts, Parents, Uncategorized

Devastated


My heart is on fire with grief, guilt is taking over, my responsibility to my loved ones who counted on me has been betrayed. I opened the door, I let my beautiful girl outside at night and then left her out side when I went to bed. I killed my best friend. My precious girl, she was an angel, she was the most well behaved animal I have even had the pleasure of meeting. She didn’t get up on things or rip things, she never ever not used her litter box. She was very simple and happy. She deserved so much better. She was only 7. I can not forgive God anymore, he has taken so much from me, I don’t need to be stronger! I don’t need to endure anymore great pain! I have had so much pain in my life. I mean, cmon, my Adrenal Glands were so over used by the time I hit my 20 that they quit at 22! Not deformed or any other reason, they were just exhausted! I understand a lot of the things that have happened in my life and I even understand the reason behind them and I did need to learn to be stronger and I was. But I have lived through it, I beat the pain, I saved myself and my kids from all the abuse and I made myself into the person I am now. I beat cancer. I have over come and have my rewards for my troubles. I have the most perfect man for me that could ever be, we have our quirky house, and we have our boys. Yes, his ex is still mentally and emotionally abusing his two and my grandkids are in a horrible situation but we are dealing, Day by day. How could anyone possibly thing I didn’t still need her! How could anyone think I could just get up and move on with out my shadow? She has been next to me every day since she could walk. She was my sunshine, my happiness and my baby.

Myah May Lee August 2011-August 2018

WhaT is all this about August? She was born and then God took my only 2 best friends ever in August?