Posted in my thoughts, tips & tricks, Uncategorized, WOW Stuff

My world is shattered


I am trying to wrap my head around this all.

My husband has cancer
This is the procedure they usually do to take care of this type of mass
Posted in my thoughts, organized, Parents, Psychology, self-help, Shared, Uncategorized

Lost loves


Wanted Too Call You Today To Say I Love You, But Your Old Number Is No Longer In Serivce. I Tried The Operator She Said Sorry I Have No Number For You. I Tried To Go To Your House, But You Don’t Live There Anymore. The Post Office Has No Forwarding Address. “I Guess Heaven Is Too Far Away. I Love You, I Miss You. You Are In My Heart Always. Loved Ones Gone But Not Forgotten. Merry Christmas Too All Those In Heaven . . Put This As Your Status If There Is Someone You Love Who Is Spending Christmas In Heaven And You Wish They Were Here With You

Posted in My Photos of Maine, my thoughts, Parents, Uncategorized, WOW Stuff

My dog got attacked 😩


The neighbors dog, they used to play when he was a puppy, they have played less as they both aged. I believe my pup is 2 years older actually, so they played when the other was a pup.

Anyway, the other dog hasn’t been loose to play in awhile, at first, he ran over and started to play but somehow they ended up fighting. The other dog had his throat and I freaked, it took both dads to get them apart. My poor baby was traumatized. We had to take him to a weekend vets an hour and half away. He had a drain and a lot of stitches put in, he had to be watched so he didn’t itch, he has had to have antibiotics and pain pills twice a day, warm cloth to clean all the stuff up, I think I have been traumatized as much as him!

He got the drain out but still has the stitches, we tried putting socks on his feet so he won’t itch but he just rips them off. We can’t put anything on him like his collar or a cone because it’s his neck.

He still shakes like crazy any time we even look at it. He has just started to act like himself again, it’s been a week today. I’m afraid we aren’t keeping it clean enough or he will scratch a stitch out.

The redness at the top worries me as well.

Posted in my thoughts, Parents, Shared, tips & tricks, Uncategorized, WOW Stuff

I messed up


I have a bipolar friend that I have written about a few times. She has very few friends and no family. She has 4 kids by different fathers and the only one that was good for anything died.

She works one day a week and needed a baby sitter for her 3 year old daughter. I have helped her raise all of her kids so seemed to make sense I helped her with it.

After a few Sunday’s went by her youngest boy wanted to come along so of course I said yes. The second time he was here and we were outside , she took off running to see her brother and I went to put our drinks on the deck, I turned around and she was on the ground crying. She has run up behind her and he accidentally hit her with the bat he was playing with. She had a big egg on her head next to her eyebrow, we checked for a concussion and she did not have one. I sent her mom a message and told her what happened, and she was mad at her son and I just kept telling her it was not on purpose. After we dropped them off, she didn’t say anything to me and hasn’t talked to me since. Today is Sunday, I don’t have the little girl. She still hasn’t spoken to me and didn’t call me to get the little one.

I am so devastated that I let he down. I feel as though I lost a friend.

Posted in House Remodeling, My Photos of Maine, my thoughts, organized, Shared, Uncategorized, WOW Stuff

Granite in the wall?


As we continue on in our renovations we decided to take the basement stairs down and remake them straight instead of with a turn.

We had to go through the concrete of the original house foundation and found it was packed with rocks! This made it very difficult to do so my husband had to rent a jack hammer!

My husband also finished taking down another spot since he had it already and that’s when I noticed a large piece set aside, he said he found it in the wall and it was granite!!!

It still has some brick stuck to it but I can only imagine how using granite would be cheap? I can see how the rocks would be, any market out there for rocks hundreds of years old!! Lol

Next we will rebuild these stairs to go straight down, then the second story stairs can be done the same way.

It’s such a slow process but it is coming along.

Posted in my thoughts, Psychology, Shared, tips & tricks, Uncategorized, WOW Stuff

Adult scoliosis


Years! I’m talking YEARS! I have dealt with a unbalance in my hips. I have had tests, and more testa but they never said anything about a curve in my back?? My dr confirmed it with old X-rays, old X-rays!

It started when I tried to lay on my back on my yoga mat, I put my knees up and my feet flat and it felt like I had a rock under my pelvic bone. It hurt like crazy and it was slightly on the left. After I got up it hurt so bad for the rest of that day.

So now it’s physical therapy for me, but it may help so we will see.

I don’t know anyone with scoliosis, how about you?

Posted in my thoughts, Parents, Shared, tips & tricks, Uncategorized, WOW Stuff

Feelings of emptiness


I was lost when my oldest son left for school, it had been him, his brother and me against the world for so long. We had gone through so much together, homelessness, loss, stability, over whelming happiness, from one end to the other. My boys where my best friends, and when one of them left, oh man.

Thankfully that was the same month my now husband found me again after 20 years. I made him wait two months before I was willing to go out with him because I was trying to adjust to my son being gone, not just find someone else to fill that void.

Now it’s been 5 years, my son has lived about an hour away since then, he has come home for the summer first then got his own place. I love coming down stairs in the morning to find he had been home and was doing laundry or wanted a place to rest before driving home. He has been with a girl named Blake now for, well I am not sure, a year, two years, around two I believe, and we love her to pieces.

Blake is good to him and you can tell he is just head over heels for her. Blake has gotten a job offer from Ralf Lauren in New York and a place in Boston. I know my son will follow her which ever job she chooses.

Knowing my son, my baby, will be moving out of state takes my breath! I want what is best for him, I am so proud of him and , like I said, I love Blake. I am terrified though, the big city, him being miles away from home, thinking about it makes every hair on every place on my body stand straight up!

I know it is inevitable, he has his own company and can run it from anywhere, makes enough to survive off and pay his way through school, but that doesn’t mean it will be easy to except.

My first love, my son.
Posted in my thoughts, Psychology, self-help, Shared

I am drug free!!! After 20 years!


I was put on opioids over 20 years ago for pain, I became addicted easily and the trials began. I guess I didn’t realize how addicted I had become, with my Addison’s disease, I’m tired all the time and when I started doing drugs they would give me energy, I could get up and clean the whole house in one afternoon! That was what I became addicted to, functioning.

Jump ahead a few years, now I’m in trouble. I have 2 kids and am terrified the state would take them if they find out so, I was introduced to suboxen. It was easy to buy it off the streets, then I moved and then it started all over again.

It became obvious to me I would need help so I bit the bullet and went to get it. 20 YEARS later, I was still on it. They told me I would never be able to get off it because of my immune disease, my body would not be able to handle it. I started going down by one milligram every like 6 months, give or take. The last part was the hardest, I went down to one milligram a day! Then I new it was in my head, I just stopped. I had to not think about it. Keep my self busy.

Now it’s been long enough that I don’t even think about it and I feel perfectly fine!! Sometimes I feel like I forget to do something, like I missed my meds or something, lmao. I didn’t count the days after a week because I knew I was good. I wish I could scream it to the world but, I had already told tons of people I was off so I didn’t have to worry about being robbed. My best two friends and husband have encouraged me and supported me the whole way. I thank god for them.