Posted in my thoughts, Uncategorized


I have posted before about my best friend and her struggle with mental illness and how it effects us all, but this time was different. Her bipolar has been a struggle for her in the past year more than she even let on to me. She has been in and out of the hospital many times , last I told you about her just getting better when her baby daddy died unexpectedly. They shocked her and she was gone, nothing like my best friend, her memory was mush and she was a zombie. Since then she has been up and down but I thought doing better. Today I got a call, she was back in the hospital and it was bad. The kids had been suffering with knowing it was happening, she was doing so much and I had no idea. I noticed by her Facebook posts that she was not right but pushed it away.  She has been keeping so much from me and I had no idea. I know if I was around and has seen her or the kids and house I would have known but I haven’t been and now I feel like I let her down. The kids are good now with her ex roommate there with them and can be there as long as needed. They say at the hospital she’s better today but they have no beds and her dr won’t be available till Monday. She just got a new job as in a week or so ago and has to work Monday and Tuesday but won’t be out and I can’t do the FAML(family and medical leave) papers for her. She was so good for ten years , her dad died a few years ago and it was hard on her but then when her baby daddy died she’s been manic since.  I feel so helpless.

Posted in my thoughts, Parents, tips & tricks, Uncategorized, WOW Stuff


my mother split with my father and moved us back to Maine when I was about three. My dad remarried and when I was ten had another daughter. My little sister was my favorite person, I didn’t see her much but it was love at first sight! My step mother was amazing, she would brush my hair and braid it for me, she taught me how to play piano and about so many things in the short time I had with her. I only saw them in the summertime and it was never long enough. I had a baby brother come along and shortly after that my dad and step mom split up. It was the end of my visiting and I lost connection with my siblings. Facebook brought us back together and my amazingly talented MMA fighter brother made it to my wedding. That started it all. I needed to see my sister after that and I new my dad was 80 and not that healthy anymore so this past weekend we had a road trip! It was five hours one way and since my oldest Jacob was home from college for thanksgiving break we got to bring both my boys with us. We left Friday after David got home from work , stayed at the hotel that night and started sat fresh to see my family. I was nervous and excited and scared all at once! I’m the one out of four who is not a major athlete, mma, boxing, running, my three siblings do it all,  My sister is my brothers MMA coach! I’m the black sheep,  my success is my sons and staying alive. They have tons of accomplishments and still going. Ok, but, I was still family. I got to see them both, meet my brother in law and my two nieces, got to see my dad and see my step mom again with her husband who took great care of them all growing up. It was amazing and comfortable and emotional. After about an hour of being at my sisters, my brother took off with my two sons and my brother in law stole my husband. We belonged. We decided from now on it will be a yearly thing. I will not loose them again. I got to tell my step mom how much she had actually meant to me and the influence she had been to me. That felt amazing. I felt like I had family for the first time in my life. I don’t really fit in with my mother and older brother here in Maine and just never felt like I belonged. Now, I know that I do belong, not just as a mom and wife but as a daughter and sister and aunt! The empty black hole that has been inside me for as long as I can remember has closed up quite a bit and I think it’s only going to get better from here on!

Posted in my thoughts, Shared, tips & tricks, Uncategorized

Ok, think I got it

so you know I have been having problems being able to share others post on my blog, if I used a reblog button it was fine but if I just used the share button I was getting the title of the post but the rest was blank. I have been irritated beyond myself lately with this, I could not find anything in the forums and started to just not even post but, today, I opened my app on my iPad, as I was messing around I pushed my dashboard and after it switched to the different idk, dashboard, it all works fine on here. I still don’t understand it and am still annoyed but at least now I can get over it!!!