scared – Tracey in Maine

My wedding is in 6 days. I couldn’t b more stressed. It’s not even over the wedding!!! My truck died and is not coming back, david drives a standard and I have killed my share, we need something bigger than a car anyway.

We are trying to get the house as done as possible, outside and in since it’s the big reveal!!

One of my kitties has been gone for about a month now and I have had her for 6 years.

And, my soon to be mother in law hates me. David’s ex put a bad taste in her mouth that she can’t see past I guess.

And then the wedding, we have done all the planning and putting things together ourselves. The decorations have me worried, too much, too little, wrong combo of things, will it look like a no nothing bride did it?

Then, the vows, david wants to do our own vows!!! I can’t express in any way how much I love him, how much he has changed my life.

Sooooo. Today, I’m drowning.

I went to see my younger brother today and as usual we talked about the family. I told him a lot on how I feel and he told me I was wrong pretty much. I said our mother was never there for me growing up, he said that makes no sense she is great to me and our older brother. I said whatever came into memory and he said it is out of our mothers character. I brought up, I wasn’t a problem kid like she says, how was I so bad, I didn’t come home pregnant till 22, wasn’t a junkie, didn’t even loose my virginity till almost 16. I didn’t understand at that age how I felt or how to express any of it. He said he didn’t understand, mom was not like that at all that he has seen. He is about 13, or so years younger than me. I can’t believe all this is from my father living in a diff state, we made our peace with each other when I was 20. The thing that I can’t get past is my mother and older brother talked about taking my son from me. It blows my mind. Our house burned 2 weeks b 4 my son’s first birthday.we went to live with my older brother. Him and his wife tried to change me drastically. Not just my hair and clothes and I moved out after two months even though they really didn’t think I should. I don’t k ow if it was then or before that but he claims they say my son was malnourished and always had bruises. I can’t even begin to argue how wrong that is. I can get his medical records from that time but I don’t understand they never tried talking to me, I never had the state involved except for the volunteer programs I was involved in. He said something had to make them decide that Jacob needed to be protected, they were just looking out for the best interest of Jacob. I do not understand any of this. I wasn’t born messed up. I was made that way, I didn’t chose abusive men because I felt like I, I didn’t think I deserved better. It all came from some were. Did it just come from me?

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