Posted in grief

This weeks grief


I went in to get a quick med check with one of my drs and the nurse was telling me about her asking her husband to sleep in and I completely lost it. I started crying and she had no idea why. So again I started to tell my story of my husband passing. Then came the questions, how, when, what did you do about it.

How many people lost loved ones for other reasons than why they were in the hospital to begin with?

How many were , as I was , told there is nothing anyone can do because they were there for surgery or cancer or both? The reason my husband died in the Maine Medical Hospital in Portland Maine was not because of his surgery or because of the cancer we they removed in the surgery , no it was because when things went south they didn’t call his doctor in as instructed so in a matter of hours he bleed in to his stomach so much that his heart stopped. When requesting his medical files the dr wrote on a sticky note that he was not called in. I truly believe he could have saved him but because they just say a complication of surgery due to cancer, I can do nothing.

This week, I started out ok, then it all went to hell as the rush of emotions and the feeling of drowning came back.

Posted in grief

Leave, Stay


All I can do is keep breathing

I cant tbreath with out you

I know I have to let you go

I need you still

My heart may heal someday

My soul hurts when yours is not here

You where the lobe of my life

I love you more than life

Posted in grief, Uncategorized

Angry


I’m angry people keep telling me my husband is watching me,

I don’t believe it.

I’m angry because he’s in the box on my stand.

His urn is a box for us both

I’m angry he’s gone

I’m angry he got cancer

A rare kind for 70 year old men but he was 48

I’m angry I have to bring up this boy alone.

Im angry at him for leaving us even though I know it was not his choice.

Posted in grief, my thoughts, photography, Psychology

My world


I feel like I was robbed, like someone reached inside my body and stole my heart as well as my ability to breathe, think , move!

My husband was perfect, we had a love that was epic. We were together 6 years, 3 months and 9 days.

We started texting in October 2016. Our first date was December 31, 2017. We got engaged in February, bought a house in March and was married in October 2017. He was my everything, my husband, my soulmate, step father to my children,

We never had a fight, barely ever argued. For real. He gave me everything I had ever dreamed of and more.