Posted in Uncategorized

So tired of this body

I am always in pain, I am always having to deal! If I don’t jump out of bed in the morning, I’m screwed. If I sit on the couch to long writing or reading on WordPress, I’m screwed, the whole day will be a struggle and no matter what pills I take or what I try, I can not get back the energy and motivation that I should have had that morning. I need a new body.

I have the best love relationship with my husband, literally a fairytale. I have an awesome house that I am remodeling just the way I want. My boys are doing great. I do not worry about food or rent like I used to. I have a really good life. I want to enjoy it!!

Modern medicine has failed me but what else to do. I think I have realized I meditate with out even realizing I was, as I was reading and learning about it I saw it was something I do all the time, I sit and just focus on clearing my mind, or on nothing. Ok so now what? Being happy is hard!!!

Posted in my thoughts, Psychology, self-help, Uncategorized

Living 30 min at a time

Scheduling my day , trying to decide what needs to be done. For anything involving my computer, like this, for example, reading or even driving, I have to do it 30 min at a time. My life feels like one long to do page, having to stand and move around so I don’t fall asleep. Can’t go anywhere over 30 min away. Can’t read any of the many, many, books I still want to read, unless it’s night and it’s ok to fall asleep.

Once I fall asleep and jolt awake again, I can try and try to get back my energy but it is gone for good for that day.

Is it horrible, yes it is. Is it a severe pain and makes me just want to cry the tears from all the way down in to my toes, yes, yes it does.

Living 30 minutes at a time

Can not sit , and let my mind go

Can not jump in the car and drive anywhere just because

I love to learn and I love to read

I loved when I used to feel more free

Now if I sit to long it sucks away my living

If I am up to long and do to much

I usually will have a price of pain to pay

Which way is up , which way is down

To be living instead of just surviving