I went to my little brothers wedding today. It was beautiful, he was great, she was perfect, they are perfect for each other. The wedding went with no problems, the reception the same.
The moment I walked in I was uncomfortable, as guest arrived and people were greeted, I felt invisible. The ran like a little girl to my uncle’s as they arrived looking for the safety I have always received under there wings and sat with them during the ceremony so it was much better then. I hadn’t been spoken to or had gotten more than a necessity response from anyone else but my brother since arriving. I stayed to take pictures and ended up having to be in one but , I dealt. My brother said that was what I got for staying. Love that kid. At the reception I was seated with my mother, ex step father who had his other two sons with him, current step father and niece. I brought my older son with me. I wanted to sit with my uncle’s and grandmother’s but wasn’t sure if that was allowed. Most of the time I sat unspoken to, just there. My niece moved next to me at one point so I wasn’t alone. The whole family got up and danced, except me. I spoke to my older brother, the best man, nieces father, best friend to my little brother, but, he ignored me as he has for 20 years.
I have yearned for the love of family for so long. The ache I felt inside brought constant tears to my eyes. I have had friends as family, had lonely holidays and just a very lonely life.