Tracey in Maine

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I wake up everyday trying to think positive, trying to remember that my day will come. I am 37, have many undiagnosed medical issues and am on welfare. The state of MAINE gives me 585.00 to live on a month along with food stamps and mainecare. The rent for my apartment which is in the worst part of town is still 700.I live as cheap as I can possibly do. My phone is 40.00 a month. My electric runs about 60. and we currently have cable with internet for 65. month set for 2 years. I also have 36.61 for car insurance and of course the regular necessities for living. I use all the programs I qualify for and try to make money anytime I can. I quit smoking, I don’t drink and I do not go out anywhere unless I need to so I save on gas. If I am lucky I get child support for one of my boys but that is not very often. Besides the undiagnosed issues I have some that have been named and am on many medications. I have a co-pay that I am supposed to pay but charge as much as I can because I can not pay it. I struggle to remember to make my kids do their homework and do their chores everyday. It seems my life is a constant battle but, my kids are worth it. No matter how down I get and how much I wish I could just give up I know that I can not. I could not imagine how that would just devastate my kids. I am all that they have and they are all that I have.I do not know anyone else who knows that everything you do and everything you say to your kids as they grow forms the adults they become. I want my kids to grow to be healthy, happy adults living full adult lives not children living adult lives trying to compensate what they feel they missed out on as kids. I just hate that my kids have to suffer for things they had nothing to do with. They did not ask to be brought in to this world and they did not ask to have a mother who can not care for them properly. I give my kids all of me on a daily basis. I could not imagine what my life would be like with out my inspiration to live, my two boys. I may not agree with most of the cards I have been dealt in this world but I would not trade my boys for all the money in the world, or, not to be sick a day in my life. My boys are my life.

My son came down the stairs demanding I fix his screen because the bugs were getting in at night and biting him, lots! I examined him quickly and yes his leg looked like it had mosquito bites all over it. I went to the medicine chest and returned with the hydrocortisone cream and told him to put it on and stop itching. I then fixed his screen. The next day comes and he has twice the amount of bites today. We did some cleaning up and more fixing of the window when no spiders or anything was found we just started getting a little serious but still just stocked it up to bugs outside or something, It was summer time after all. I would say it was a few days later when he really got my attention and showed me they had not gotten any better but worse, and had spread all over his leg. It looked like a small bumped rash, red and itchy. It had just been on his calf and now had spread up his thigh and all around it. I decided it was time for a doctor visit. The doctor looked at it and said it looked like bug bites, he gave him a stronger cream, said do not itch it and sent us home. Over the next week or two, he was out a lot and downstairs at night some so it wasn’t that bad. We thought maybe it was healing, and thanked GOD it was over. It changed when my younger son came back from his dads and they were back upstairs all the time. When my son came down stairs with them on his stomach, other leg, face, arms and everywhere anyway, I said enough. We went back to the doctors and this time I demanded an answer. A nurse happen to speak up and said,”looks like bed bugs to me”. I thought that was a bedtime quote,” Dont let the bed bugs bite”. I never thought they were real! He assured me they were. He gave me what information he knew and we came home to hunt. The first few minutes of tearing his bed apart led to nothing untill I open a folded up small quilt that was on his bed way down at the bottom which he never used, When I first saw them, I froze in horror. I could not believe my eyes. Ten of them or so, with tiny black looking dots all inside this one corner. It was horrifying and I ran to a garbage bag to get rid of the blanket. I still was not sure ,never seeing them before myself so I searched for a live one to take to my landlord. In the baggy, still alive, she said , YUP, that is an adult bed bug!.  The past two years have been nothing but a constant battle to get my house back from these blood sucking , cockroach type bugs!!! We have been lucky enough to not be infested with them since the first find so it has been livable. We find a bite in the morning , we vacuum and wash and dry everything that day and have usually one to two weeks before having to deal with it again. I have learned a few important factors when dealing with these , THINGS.

1. VACUUMING is your best defense, do it everyday and do it completely getting every crack and hole you can find.
2. WASH&DRY COMPLETELY anything you can put in the washer then do it.
3. STORE FOR OVER 18MONTHS if you can not wash it then you need to store it in a sealed bag for at least 18 months, these things can stay alive that long without feeding.
4. NOCTURNAL, these things do not actually nest in your bed always they just bite while you are asleep so they are called bed bugs but they are usually up to 20 feet away from your bed and prefer to lay eggs on wood.
5. EGGS LOOK LIKE DOTS, as if someone took a pen and made a bunch of dots with it, they are that small, they can be killed with water and bleach, just smudge them and they are dead and they take two weeks to hatch.
6. GOODNIGHTS brand is the only product that I have found that works, (even raids bombs)bombs and other sprays do not work unless you hire the pro’s to do it.
7. THEY ARE FLAT, completely flat, white when born and then red to brown as they grow and feed so they can hide, anywhere!

Thank GOD they do not pass diseases. They do not bite pets. They need two to mate. They can hitch rides onto your clothes and be carried to other peoples houses or cars. I think that is all but if anyone has any questions then feel free to ask.

Woke up this morning and well, it is my 36 birthday. Wish I could just roll over and stay in bed, but , I can’t, I have to get up and get the kids off to school. I have a 13-year-old and an 8-year-old, both of my boys are very slow-moving in the morning, especially on MONDAY’s. They say, and by them I mean DHS or the specialist that know it all, that your child will have a better day in school and succeed in their tasks if they have a parent that gets them off to school in the morning instead of doing it themselves. So, I get up. I may not cook a big breakfast for them but they go out the door with all the right clothes and gear for the weather, books and snacks and whatever they need for a great day. My boys have good days and bad days. They both hate school, they both have discipline issues and some A’s and some F’s. My older one is ADHD combined type with ODD. He may not pass 7 grade because of math. I don’t know if I can say I would want to just sleep while they got up and got off to school themselves but, I can not help but wonder if it really makes a difference or does it just show them how to become dependant on me and not be able to get up on their own? They have come to the point of not being able to get up for any reason unless I get them up. I have to remind them of everything over and over. I just wonder if they had more responsibilities early on maybe they would be able to remember and function without me at their side always. Does it make them more mommy’s boys? Sometimes I wonder if the “specialist” actually know it all.