I went to see my younger brother today and as usual we talked about the family. I told him a lot on how I feel and he told me I was wrong pretty much. I said our mother was never there for me growing up, he said that makes no sense she is great to me and our older brother. I said whatever came into memory and he said it is out of our mothers character. I brought up, I wasn’t a problem kid like she says, how was I so bad, I didn’t come home pregnant till 22, wasn’t a junkie, didn’t even loose my virginity till almost 16. I didn’t understand at that age how I felt or how to express any of it. He said he didn’t understand, mom was not like that at all that he has seen. He is about 13, or so years younger than me. I can’t believe all this is from my father living in a diff state, we made our peace with each other when I was 20. The thing that I can’t get past is my mother and older brother talked about taking my son from me. It blows my mind. Our house burned 2 weeks b 4 my son’s first birthday.we went to live with my older brother. Him and his wife tried to change me drastically. Not just my hair and clothes and I moved out after two months even though they really didn’t think I should. I don’t k ow if it was then or before that but he claims they say my son was malnourished and always had bruises. I can’t even begin to argue how wrong that is. I can get his medical records from that time but I don’t understand they never tried talking to me, I never had the state involved except for the volunteer programs I was involved in. He said something had to make them decide that Jacob needed to be protected, they were just looking out for the best interest of Jacob. I do not understand any of this. I wasn’t born messed up. I was made that way, I didn’t chose abusive men because I felt like I, I didn’t think I deserved better. It all came from some were. Did it just come from me?
Tag: family
I am panicking as the days go…
I don’t know what to do, I have two weeks before my brothers wedding. I have nothing to wear as I have gained weight. I am so self conscious as it is. My family is not very nice to me, most anyway. I guess I am not what they wanted me to be. I don’t know if I dare to make anything or should I play it safe and just buy something. I wish I could be there without being seen. I love my little brother. I raised him for a good part of his first few years. After I moved out though my mother wouldn’t allow me to take him anywhere or spend time with him with out her. She makes me feel like my life has been all just failures and she makes sure I come across as the failure she claims I am. At her wedding the three of us kids were supposed to stand up and say we do when asked who gave her away, no body told me. She makes it a point to tell me it’s my fault I am who I am and she is very disappointed. I am not a druggie, I had my first child at 24, been married to his father who beat me and cut me. I have chosen abusive men most of my life. Then I got sick k and the only thing good I have now is my boys are wonderful. Which is almost enough for me anyway, but they had no faith in that, they tried to take my son away when he was born. They either didn’t pursue or they were told they had no grounds. I entered everything when my son was born,I was a part of all the programs I could be so I had a lot of backup. They had no reason. Two weeks before his first bday our apt burned, we went to live w my older brother. They tried to change me and control me, picked my clothes, my hairstyle, everything. I moved out and that’s when he and his wife disowned me because they didn’t think I should go yet. My husband was in jail for another 2 years still and that’s when they apparently talked about taking him. That was it, that was the only reason, I didn’t do drugs or drink, I didn’t cheat on my husband even though he was abusive. I did nothing to deserve that treatment and this is all crashing on me as the two weeks go on.
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