Posted in my thoughts

I am panicking as the days go…

I don’t know what to do, I have two weeks before my brothers wedding. I have nothing to wear as I have gained weight. I am so self conscious as it is. My family is not very nice to me, most anyway. I guess I am not what they wanted me to be. I don’t know if I dare to make anything or should I play it safe and just buy something. I wish I could be there without being seen. I love my little brother. I raised him for a good part of his first few years. After I moved out though my mother wouldn’t allow me to take him anywhere or spend time with him with out her. She makes me feel like my life has been all just failures and she makes sure I come across as the failure she claims I am. At her wedding the three of us kids were supposed to stand up and say we do when asked who gave her away, no body told me. She makes it a point to tell me it’s my fault I am who I am and she is very disappointed. I am not a druggie, I had my first child at 24, been married to his father who beat me and cut me. I have chosen abusive men most of my life. Then I got sick k and the only thing good I have now is my boys are wonderful. Which is almost enough for me anyway, but they had no faith in that, they tried to take my son away when he was born. They either didn’t pursue or they were told they had no grounds. I entered everything when my son was born,I was a part of all the programs I could be so I had a lot of backup. They had no reason. Two weeks before his first bday our apt burned, we went to live w my older brother. They tried to change me and control me, picked my clothes, my hairstyle, everything. I moved out and that’s when he and his wife disowned me because they didn’t think I should go yet. My husband was in jail for another 2 years still and that’s when they apparently talked about taking him. That was it, that was the only reason, I didn’t do drugs or drink, I didn’t cheat on my husband even though he was abusive. I did nothing to deserve that treatment and this is all crashing on me as the two weeks go on.


I am a woman of many thoughts and ideas on anything creative or frugal, who loves to take pictures especially of nature and my grandkids all while I fight the good fight of illness both mental and physical. I appreciate friendly criticism and love comments!!! So, don't be shy, talk to me...

2 thoughts on “I am panicking as the days go…

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