Posted in Parents, Psychology, Uncategorized

Coparenting with a narcissists sucks!!!!


My husband has two boys from his previous marriage to the devil, lol, ok , a horrible closet drunk narcissist.

Quick back story, After they met the classic signs of abuse that of course he did not see, became apparent to his friends and family, isolation, guilt trips, controlling, after awhile got control of all the money, threw away all his hobbies ( train collections and most of his music stuff) when they moved in together. At one point he was fed up and was going to leave and she “accidentally ” forgot to take her birth control got pregnant and David being who he is stayed. After married for 2 years he had his own bedroom, after the two boys started to grow up, she would chase him away down to the basement to his work space and kept the boys in her bedroom all the time. They did not go outside ever cause they would get “stolen,” David was not allowed to have a smart phone or any computers, he was not allowed on family trips, you get the point. Every night she would pass out drunk, at first he put her to bed but then just left her, she made fun of him in front of the kids, they told me when we first met, “dad was not allowed to help with homework because he was to stupid, “. This he put up with for ten years, he did not see or talk to his family, only left the house to work, and was miserable but says he was scared to leave her alone with the boys till they were older.

After we got together I started making him stand up to her, stopping her from dropping the kids off late, picking them up early, planning things on his visit days, she hated it, and me. She did everything to turn them against him, told them him and I had an affair, ( one example) and she succeeded turning the oldest to hate him. He is now 13, is diagnosed with ADHD but seems more autistic really, still calls them mommy and daddy, slept in her bed till he was 12, does not make friends easy having personal space issues I guess. He only eats chicken nuggets and fries and a few more other things, will not try anything new unless it’s a video game. Will not play sports, will not go anywhere with out his mother, she goes on all field trips, takes him to his one friends house and has to stay for a few minutes to make sure he wants to stay, he will have complete mental breakdowns screaming, crying, hides under things and smacks himself in the head. He stopped talking to us first, then would not eat her because we were gross, brought a sleeping bag and slept in his clothes and shoes. This was two nights a month. His visits were, sat at 9 till Sunday at 4 every other weekend at first cause he lived with a roommate and the boys were not very comfortable there. Then he got Wed nights from after school till 8. She will not compromise at all, if he can’t pick them up on time, she gets mad, if he misses a day because of work she will not let him have a different one, if he drops them off 5 min late she flips.

The younger one comes as much as possible and we have a great relationship with him, the older one does not even speak to us never mind come over. We have court appointed therapy now and the therapist is blown away by the amount of parental alienation and consistent lack of concern for her kids his ex shows , she refuses to let the therapist see the boy alone. She says things constantly she should not right in front of the boy. It breaks my heart because I know he is never going to be able to be a normal or even somewhat normal kid. He has an unnatural attachment to his mother. It is the worst thing anyone can do to a child. We need to remember our relationship, our lives, our problems are not our children’s! My husband lost a son and two boys are in mental states that will need a lot of fixing as they grow up, because of this horrific woman.

Posted in my thoughts, Parents, Psychology, self-help

I am DONE being an addict


For 12 years, maybe 15 I have been doing suboxen because I became addicted to opioids. I have health issues and they told me all the time, (the dr’s )that my body could not handle detox that it would kill me. I died the day I did my first drug. I am tired of it, I don’t want to do this anymore.

I can’t keep dealing with the shame of being an addict. My husband has never even hit a joint! For real! He doesn’t understand at all but he is trying. I cut down to 2 mg months ago and for the past two day I have been doing one. It is not in my head, the lack of energy, the lack of motivation, I also have more pain than normal but I can think that away with the weather. I have to trick myself into not being affected by this. I need to know what it is like to feel normal, but with my Addison’s I won’t ever, so how normal can I get?

I need to sleep. I’m so tired. Igo through fazes of not sleeping and last night I woke up and could not go back to sleep and I need to sleep. I am supposed to get 10-12 hours with my illnesses. I have to break that now before it really starts or it will be so much harder .

My son, the pre Med one, he knows all about it and he just says, mom who cares, u r not an addict, I think you should just leave it alone. But, I still feel it. I want so bad to change. I need to not have soo many regrets and not wish I had done this and that. I will not be ever to just travel if I am still on this crap. I will accomplish one big thing in my life besides my kids, even if it is the only think I ever do.

Laws of attraction, God, Angels, the universe, which ever one you believe in, please help me. Please.

Posted in my thoughts, Psychology, self-help

Mindset


Trying to change my way of thinking. I have everything I need but keep finding reasons to not be able to finish my room, not able to do or make. I wanted to monetize my creative side and now that I have all I need I can’t get my butt in gear and do anything?? I think somewhere inside I am afraid to fail, think I am not good enough, I sabotage myself constantly. Maybe I just think to much.

I see and read all about changing your way of thinking ,changing your inner voice, subconscious, the values and beliefs you instilled as a child that now as an adult know are not right…

it is so mind exhausting to constantly be trying to figure out what has been holding me back from accomplishing anything in my life. I know I have the ability to do it. I know I have the skills and tools needed……

I was on a path to success, 21, already to be assistant manager at the convenience store I worked at, had my own apartment, was dating a pilot, moved in together and I started getting sick. I ended up working less and less and then quit all together, I started not eating, sleeping all the time, needing to sit all the time, hair was thinning out, skin turned yellow, after 6 months , I weighted 90 pounds, could not stay awake more than maybe an hour in a day and even when I was laying down felt like I needed to lay down. When Portland hospital finally diagnosed me I would have had maybe a couple weeks left to live. My life has never been even close to the same. The older I got the more illnesses you can add to the list and I had given up. I accepted my life was as it was. Then my husband fell into my lap! How many woman can say they found true love, never ever going anywhere or doing anything?

Now I have the husband, the house and all I could ever ask for. So what is my problem?!!!!