By Dr. Fred Luskin
The Nine Steps
1. Know exactly how you feel, figure out what about the situation was not ok and then talk to a couple trusted people.
2. Make a commitment to yourself to feel better. Forgiveness is for you and no one else.
3. Forgiving is not saying it is ok to do or treat me like this and it does not mean continuing your relationship with that person. Forgiveness is taking things less personal and being less offended by them by seeking peace and understanding.
4. Recognize you are upset because of how you feel now not how you felt when you were hurt when it happened.
5. When you feel upset, practice stress management to soothe the fight or flight response.
6. Remember, you can only hope for health, love and prosperity. You can work hard to get them but people do not have to give them to you and you can not force it. If you expect them you can easily be disappointed and suffer.
7. Try other ways to reach your goals instead of continuing the way you were hurt.
8. Remember having a life well lived is your best revenge. If you focus on the pain they caused, you give them the power over you. Focus on the love, beauty and kindness you have in your life instead of what you don’t have.
9. Look at your past and remember your choice to forgive.