Tag Archives: illness

my thoughts, Parents, Psychology, self-help, Shared, tips & tricks, Uncategorized, WOW Stuff

The shadow addicts


I just read an article on addiction that made it obvious to me that the person who wrote it never has been an addict and probably never knew an addict.

There are many levels of addiction as well as many things a person can be addicted to , I have read that man needs to be addicted to something, work, family, or drugs and alcohol, anything can be an addiction. I am going to address the most known forms of addiction, drugs.

You have addicts to, heroine, cocaine, crack, pills, uppers and downers, most pain reliever pills can be addictive. Some people start from dr prescriptions, other get turned on from friends or just being bored. They say most addicts are people trying to forget or trying not to feel, maybe trying to compensate for something in their life, or something not in their lives, either way I think that is more of a mental addiction.

I personally became addicted to pain reliever pills that I was prescribed for years, moving, getting involved into a not so healthy crowd, and having to change dr, I started buying on the street. Once I decided it was enough, I went back to the dr and was put on suboxen, a drug they prescribe to help people get over addiction, like methadone, it has a blocker for opioids in it so if they are taken you can’t get high, ( although I’m sure people tried everything) the most you can do is nod off.

The drugs they made to help people get off street drugs are so much worse, you trade one for another and those make you sicker if you go with out. It is worse, it is so much harder to get off suboxen then any of the actual drugs! From reading and hearing it from people I know, you can get off pills and feel almost normal again in a week or so depending on the person, with suboxen it can be months if not years before you feel normal, again, depending on the person and the amount and length they were on it. Here in Maine you go to a clinic and they don’t wean you off they jack up your doses and don’t push people to get clean, which is what a clinic is supposed to do. That’s a whole different article though!

I am physically addicted, yes there is a difference, I have had a couple doctors tell me my body could not handle detoxing, which I know is true, but that’s cold turkey. If I didn’t get the nurses to get the papers in to the insurance company so they could get them to the pharmacy before the weekend I have had to go without, I ended up in the hospital. That was when I had a dr who only gave me enough for one day after my appointment. The dr I have now believes in me and gives me enough for, just in case. I have been taking suboxen for about ten years give or take. I have tried to wean off but failed multiple times. My endocrinologist just told me I have to do the weaning in more triple times between dose changes, so months not weeks. The last step is the hardest and I have been putting it off. All of my disabilities revolve around pain and fatigue, weaning causes pain and fatigue.

So it is not so black and white as some may think and it is not always junkies trying to get the next fix. I never sold things or robbed anyone, I never did or said anything in front of my kids and they never ever went with out anything. There are people who do and some even loose their kids, but not all. There happens to be quite a few people like me out there, we are just the ones you don’t hear about.

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Reviews, Shared, tips & tricks, Uncategorized, WOW Stuff

No need for vaccines, #COVID #pandemic is over, says Former Vice President of #Pfizer


No need for vaccines, COVID pandemic is over, says Former Vice President of Pfizer https://www.nationalheraldindia.com/health/no-need-for-vaccines-…

No need for vaccines, #COVID #pandemic is over, says Former Vice President of #Pfizer
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my thoughts, Parents, Psychology, Reviews, self-help, Shared, tips & tricks, Uncategorized, WOW Stuff

Why The Opioid Crisis Is Dangerous For Chronic Pain


Healthcare providers are reducing painkillers for financial & political gains due to the opioid crisis, threatening chronic pain patients. The post …

Why The Opioid Crisis Is Dangerous For Chronic Pain
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My Photos of Maine, my thoughts, Parents

Pains of change but still the same.


I am full of things to say today! Lol

As the seasons change, so does my pain. In the summer it hurts when it rains, in the winter it hurts as it gets colder, but the pain is still the same, pain. The winter pain spreads in more places, and seems to be lot more often, it’s harder to get past then summer pain. I can get up and move to get rid of summer pain but winter pain just gets a little easier to bare. It’s strange, it’s the same pain, just different.

Humans are entirely different creatures and creations then weather and seasons but they all effect us in many ways. Before getting into medicine my son used to say I was crazy when I said it was the weather making me hurt , now he just says I’m crazy! Lol

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my thoughts, Psychology, self-help, tips & tricks, Uncategorized, WOW Stuff

I live my life


My days all start with the same old game, open your eyes jump and up quick or feel like your dragging yourself all day,

Getting out of bed and moving around , is like telling the future of what my day will behold,

Someday I wobble and don’t feel secure not really sure if I will land on the floor

I take my pills, a handful to start, try to be a mother, try to be a wife

Half an hour at a time, I live my life

Not sitting too long or reading at all, it knocks me out and I hit a wall.

The day will end , no matter what time, if I drive or ride, read or write , mostly if I use my computer at all,

30 min later the alarm will ring, half an hour at a time, what a life

Falling asleep driving limits this for me , the thought of hurting anyone I can’t go far from home

What work could I do, physically week and plenty of pain for me

Can’t sit at a desk or stand for long , can’t drive , can’t type, can’t even write this blog, my eyes are falling

This day is over, the monotony of my life

Living 30 min at a time ,

my prison inside my own home

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my thoughts, Parents, Psychology, self-help

I am DONE being an addict


For 12 years, maybe 15 I have been doing suboxen because I became addicted to opioids. I have health issues and they told me all the time, (the dr’s )that my body could not handle detox that it would kill me. I died the day I did my first drug. I am tired of it, I don’t want to do this anymore.

I can’t keep dealing with the shame of being an addict. My husband has never even hit a joint! For real! He doesn’t understand at all but he is trying. I cut down to 2 mg months ago and for the past two day I have been doing one. It is not in my head, the lack of energy, the lack of motivation, I also have more pain than normal but I can think that away with the weather. I have to trick myself into not being affected by this. I need to know what it is like to feel normal, but with my Addison’s I won’t ever, so how normal can I get?

I need to sleep. I’m so tired. Igo through fazes of not sleeping and last night I woke up and could not go back to sleep and I need to sleep. I am supposed to get 10-12 hours with my illnesses. I have to break that now before it really starts or it will be so much harder .

My son, the pre Med one, he knows all about it and he just says, mom who cares, u r not an addict, I think you should just leave it alone. But, I still feel it. I want so bad to change. I need to not have soo many regrets and not wish I had done this and that. I will not be ever to just travel if I am still on this crap. I will accomplish one big thing in my life besides my kids, even if it is the only think I ever do.

Laws of attraction, God, Angels, the universe, which ever one you believe in, please help me. Please.

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my thoughts, Psychology, self-help, Uncategorized

Living 30 min at a time


Scheduling my day , trying to decide what needs to be done. For anything involving my computer, like this, for example, reading or even driving, I have to do it 30 min at a time. My life feels like one long to do page, having to stand and move around so I don’t fall asleep. Can’t go anywhere over 30 min away. Can’t read any of the many, many, books I still want to read, unless it’s night and it’s ok to fall asleep.

Once I fall asleep and jolt awake again, I can try and try to get back my energy but it is gone for good for that day.

Is it horrible, yes it is. Is it a severe pain and makes me just want to cry the tears from all the way down in to my toes, yes, yes it does.

Living 30 minutes at a time

Can not sit , and let my mind go

Can not jump in the car and drive anywhere just because

I love to learn and I love to read

I loved when I used to feel more free

Now if I sit to long it sucks away my living

If I am up to long and do to much

I usually will have a price of pain to pay

Which way is up , which way is down

To be living instead of just surviving

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Psychology, self-help, Shared, tips & tricks, Uncategorized, WOW Stuff

The Psychopath Behind The Mask *NEW POST*


The Psychopath Behind The Mask *NEW POST*

https://makeitultrapsychology.wordpress.com/2019/01/22/the-psychopath-behind-the-mask/
— Read on makeitultrapsychology.wordpress.com/2019/01/22/the-psychopath-behind-the-mask/

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my thoughts, Parents, Psychology, self-help, tips & tricks, Uncategorized, WOW Stuff

Injection form of suboxen?


www.sublocade.com/

Now for you who do not know, suboxen is a small film medication that you put under your tongue to dissolve and is used to treat opioid addiction. It stops the ability to feel the effects of opioids, stops withdrawals and helps with urges for opioids.

It started in a hexagon shaped orange colored pill form and comes in, 2,4 and 8 mg. ( I believe that is all but don’t quote me) When companies or agencies realized that people had started crushing and snorting it to get a high like effect, a contradiction to its use, they had to rethink it. It sold quick and easy on the streets and they all were exactly the same with No way to trace them back to the original prescription owner. They made a generic that was not as strong and from what I remember didn’t stay long. I think they turned that into the subutex, a form given to pregnant woman that would help with cravings and withdrawals but not be as harmful to the baby. If one did too much suboxen they would nod off, or fall asleep, pass out, doze off, etc,etc,etc,

Then they made the film form, something that as far as I know, there is no way to exploit so it worked for its needs except they still were able to sell films on the street, in Maine the street value of suboxen is usually $1.00 a milligram, some people double it. Now the films come in little envelope type squares with a cut up in the corner so you could rip it open, they also have bar codes and batch numbers, making it easier to trace and check to make sure the envelopes all matched the batch they were supposed to be in and to the person they were supposed to be prescribed to, that made it a very minor harder to sell but not much..

So, now we have this once a month injection thing coming out. That will definitely help with the doing more than prescribed or selling issues, but, it’s still addicting and still just another form of suboxen. Not really going to help with the opioid crisis.

I have been a recovering addict for 13 years, on suboxen, after a roughly 2 or 3 year affair of drug use. I literally started at the bottom on a 500 mil of Vicodin’s and went up from there, never booted though. I had my limits and the whole thing started with prescribed pain medications for myself, then I lost my doctors, so I was introduced to a whole new world. Being a single mother, you will do what ever it takes to be able to care for your kids, never mind the consequences.The withdrawals from the suboxen are worse than from the pills and my body is weak with my Addison’s disease it makes them deadly for me. I will be able to get off it someday. I am down to 2 mg a day. , and have been stuck at that amount for 5 years. I am tired of it.

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My Photos of Maine, my thoughts, organized, photography

Alcoholic


My step son from my first marriage is an alcoholic. He hit his bottom and spend 6 months in jail. Now he is here living with us as he begins his journey of sobriety, becomes a better man and father , to find his inner strength to fight the girl who devastated him from the inside out and then took his kids away from him. This is not just him riding on it all but his kids as well.

At the same time my husband and I struggle to support four people, two vehicles and a house on just his income and my raising medical co pays.

The dr has been trying to change my medications to lower the amounts and help me with my complete lack of vocabulary, inability to think and articulate and organize, and so on and so on. The motivation is the only good thing come out of it so far.

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my thoughts, self-help, Shared, Uncategorized

Empaths


This hits home with me, I am an empath. Most my life I just thought I was a basket case, always emotional and misunderstood by everyone. I think I suppressed it for so long that now I can keep it buried sometimes if out in public. It has effected my life in so many ways, I hardly ever leave my house, it takes so much out of me and I already have a medical illness that does that on its own.

awarenessact.com/many-people-avoid-empaths-because-of-these-5-reasons/

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