mental – Tracey in Maine

Some of you may remember awhile ago I talked about my friend with bipolar and her bad spell. She hadn’t fully recovered from that when we were all struck by the sudden death of her baby daddy. They had been split for a little while now but proved his love when she went manic in making sure things that needed to be done along with me, got done. He always looked out for her and even then I saw a new side to him. Now she’s trying to get back up and was seeming to do great when she unexpectedly got fired from her job as a cna. She worked so hard getting totally off social security and providing for her and her boys all by herself. She had never even had a job , she had always been on ss and I for one was right by her side the whole way.

She had not one complaint, not one warning or bad Mark anywhere in her work file, was the one cna that everyone loved and wanted to work with because she did the job and she did it good. She said that there was some paperwork that they didn’t get in, whether it was from the Dr or something she was supposed to fill out I’m not sure but just like that, done. We figure since the place was owned by maine general, and the people who treat her and help in monitoring her, all work for maine general. She said she’s to much of a liability, she could go manic at any time. Usually she catches it and gets help but this time it was from being to happy, not to sad. The disability advocates place can not help because they to, are maine general.

She worked for about a year, and in one second it was gone and I’m not sure how to help her. I have suggested a smaller business or maybe go a different way and do home help or something but not to just quit. She has given up. She is going down fast and I don’t know what to do. I am always the one her and a few others come to for advice or insight, but, this is the first time I don’t know what to say….

I went to see my younger brother today and as usual we talked about the family. I told him a lot on how I feel and he told me I was wrong pretty much. I said our mother was never there for me growing up, he said that makes no sense she is great to me and our older brother. I said whatever came into memory and he said it is out of our mothers character. I brought up, I wasn’t a problem kid like she says, how was I so bad, I didn’t come home pregnant till 22, wasn’t a junkie, didn’t even loose my virginity till almost 16. I didn’t understand at that age how I felt or how to express any of it. He said he didn’t understand, mom was not like that at all that he has seen. He is about 13, or so years younger than me. I can’t believe all this is from my father living in a diff state, we made our peace with each other when I was 20. The thing that I can’t get past is my mother and older brother talked about taking my son from me. It blows my mind. Our house burned 2 weeks b 4 my son’s first birthday.we went to live with my older brother. Him and his wife tried to change me drastically. Not just my hair and clothes and I moved out after two months even though they really didn’t think I should. I don’t k ow if it was then or before that but he claims they say my son was malnourished and always had bruises. I can’t even begin to argue how wrong that is. I can get his medical records from that time but I don’t understand they never tried talking to me, I never had the state involved except for the volunteer programs I was involved in. He said something had to make them decide that Jacob needed to be protected, they were just looking out for the best interest of Jacob. I do not understand any of this. I wasn’t born messed up. I was made that way, I didn’t chose abusive men because I felt like I, I didn’t think I deserved better. It all came from some were. Did it just come from me?

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