Things may change still


Im making some changes to the blog, may take me a few tries so please ignore the choas!

Posted in kids and crafts and more!!!, my thoughts, Parents, Psychology, self-help, Shared, tips & tricks, Uncategorized, WOW Stuff

You are not alone


My grandson has been having so many seizures that people are starting to notice. He is still relevantly knew to his illness and knows of know others with autism.

We his family are asking if you know someone with epilepsy or even have epilepsy we want him to know he is not alone. A note, a card, anything to let him know he is not alone!

This is his mother and the address.

He is only 9 years old and has had to stop playing all the sports he loves because of it, he is depressed and could use some support other than just us. Please and thank you so much

Posted in my thoughts

What’s going on???


I am a procrastinator or am I just lazy? I never leave my house, maybe once or twice a month. I am chaos. I am the opposite of who I used to be. They say you can never go back, is it true here as well? I am unorganized and I don’t finish things.

I have multiple projects started but hardly finish any? Maybe I am not a maker but a collector? I clean the same, start one thing, notice something else and by the end of the day, nothing looks done or finished. I have a plan, a schedule for cleaning and organizing but don’t feel I can use it until my house is finished. I still have boxes packet and my bed is still on the floor. The plan is to tear off the second floor and rebuild it. My living room and dining room will be the same but will get very dirty. This plan has been a plan for 3 years but with COVID and the price of wood, it’s still a plan.

I think the problem is I can’t hold myself accountable for not completing the days list.

Why don’t I leave my house, I am not scared or have anxiety, it’s far from a dangerous area, once I’m out I am perfectly fine? My husband goes to the store or it is Amazon and scheduled pick ups for me.

I don’t like my weight but don’t really try hard to fix it. I look nothing like I used to, besides age.

But I have an amazing life! My husband is the best ever, I don’t worry about money like I used to. Technically I don’t have to do anything but could do anything. Kids have grown to taking care of them selves and I feel my life wasting away. I have had this all for 4 years and have done nothing.

Posted in my thoughts, Shared, tips & tricks, Uncategorized, WOW Stuff

Death-COVID strikes again


On Christmas Eve my step father died from respiratory infection due to COVID.

Rick was stubborn but healthy, very healthy. He was married to my mom for about 25 years before he passed and I can’t remember him ever being sick. That scared me. I have not gotten any vaccine shots for Covid but had been thinking it’s about time to.

I have Addison’s disease. Covid attacks the adrenal glands. I have talked to quite a few others with Addison’s who have had the shots and have lived. The common thing was they all got sick for a couple days. It ranged from mild to hospitalization but they got sick. I need my husband to be able to be home for a few days so I have someone with me who knows what’s going on and can drive me to the hospital if needed.

My doctors told me to do it right from day 1 but the lasting effects of medication, even if you stop taking it, scares me. You don’t know. When Prozac first came out I was 18 and put on it. After 20 something years on it I changed meds. Then they started saying you should only take it for a few years. Great!! Now when I am at the best place in my life, no reason what so ever to be depressed, I still have to take meds. I tried cutting back then totally getting off them and I went psycho. My mood and emotions were everywhere!! It was horrible. I think that is because I was on it so long that it messed up my brain.

Point is I’m scared, I’m worried and I’m mourning.

Posted in My Photos of Maine, my thoughts, photography, Shared, tips & tricks, Uncategorized, WOW Stuff

Meet My Pet


•Hi! My name is: Atlas
•My nickname is: Pup-pup,
•My breed: Bassador ( half bassist hound and half black lab) my head and most of my body is lab but I have teeny tiny little legs!
•My age is: 4 years old
•My favorite humans are: daddy, momma, the neighbors, any kid, my brothers,
•My biggest fear: not getting any attention
•My favorite thing to do: dig! Sleep in strange ways, run run run, play with my friends Blu and Fin, talk ,watch my neighbors, stand on my head and talk like Chewbacca
•What I hate the most: when no one wants to play
•Where do I sleep? In my chair or on the couch or in my bed or anywhere that keeps me next to mommy and daddy
•Do I love car rides? Ride! Ride! Ride!
•Do I snore? No I just like to sleep in lots of positions!

I was supposed to be full grown when I came here, surprise!

Posted in my thoughts, photography, Shared, tips & tricks, Uncategorized, WOW Stuff

Father


My dads birthday came and went a couple days ago and it hit me pretty hard. This is the first one since he died.

5 of these pictures I never even saw till he died, my mother would not talk about my dad, I think she resented that I was Daddy little girl.

We had an unscheduled family gathering when I was really sick and before I was diagnosed, I am sure you can see how pasty and white I am in one of the photos. I barely remember any of it.

My sons got to meet my dad at least before he died. I miss him. I know this is scattered and not much of a post, my mind is everywhere right now.

Posted in my thoughts, Parents, Psychology

Emotional baggage


I was estranged from my family for years, like 10 or so. A few years ago I was able to push it all aside and reach out and I have continued to reach out a lot. Probably could be more, yes, but still.

I have lost my grandparents, my father and my mother lost a breast to cancer, ( which runs in the family, every female for 5 generations! Thank you mom!) so that has helped , reasons to get together.

They apparently believe it is all due to my husband , ??? 🤔 Yes he may say call your mom, but it was me that was able to push past old wounds. He’s lucky I love him! Anyway, I have learned things as a mother, as a woman and as a psychology major.

My mother didn’t know how to handle an emotional teenager, or an emotional anything really. She still doesn’t, it was easier for her to just say it was all me than to think something was wrong and I needed her. She will call and tell me point blank that she forgot to call and tell me…. Like when my grandmother died.

I say the phone works both ways, I like and comment on all the posts my siblings put on Facebook. I try to connect, and I know it has been a long time. I even told her I was sorry for being mad at her all these years for not being the mother I wanted. Something like that, she just looked at me and said “Yup.” I grew up alone, I went through years alone trying to raise my boys and deal with my health issues. When I realized my boys would need me to be better mentally and emotionally, I started therapy, I did what I needed to do to be the mother they needed.

The point of all this? I feel like I have not had a mother since I was younger than a teenager, I can’t say anything to her because she lives in her own world at this point and she wouldn’t even get it. She just looks at you with a blank stare when you say something she doesn’t want to hear or like. All the therapy and learning, I still can’t get past it.