Category: my thoughts

Posted in My Photos of Maine, my thoughts, organized, photography

Alcoholic

Posted on by queentracey1

My step son from my first marriage is an alcoholic. He hit his bottom and spend 6 months in jail. Now he is here living with us as he begins his journey of sobriety, becomes a better man and father , to find his inner strength to fight the girl who devastated him from the inside out and then took his kids away from him. This is not just him riding on it all but his kids as well.

At the same time my husband and I struggle to support four people, two vehicles and a house on just his income and my raising medical co pays.

The dr has been trying to change my medications to lower the amounts and help me with my complete lack of vocabulary, inability to think and articulate and organize, and so on and so on. The motivation is the only good thing come out of it so far.

Posted in my thoughts

Rejected!!

Posted on by queentracey1

I saw a post of Facebook about a group of people called Tinkergardeners that do outside classes with kids up to 8 learning through play. I did all the reading and thought it sounded like a great fit for me. I love kids, learning and teaching, I can’t work full time but part time I can do. Classes are an hour long and one a day would be great. Bla, bla, bla. The requirements were good, I did all the first applications and then got to the live one way interview. You have a question, one min to think and then one minute to answer. I thought I did ok. But, I just got an email that while they appreciate my interest, they are unable to complete my application at this time! Hit like a rock! I was not expecting that at all!

Amazing photos


This is such a beautiful site and I truly feel “artist“ is the only word to describe this photographer. I do not know him personally, I am not getting anything out of this, it is just my opinion that his photos are pure art and I love just looking through them. I do have a thing for birds and nature but I think you should look for your self! Follow this link and check out this great photo of a Warbler.

via Chestnut-sided Warbler #10

Posted in My Photos of Maine, my thoughts, Parents, Uncategorized

Devastated

Posted on by queentracey1

My heart is on fire with grief, guilt is taking over, my responsibility to my loved ones who counted on me has been betrayed. I opened the door, I let my beautiful girl outside at night and then left her out side when I went to bed. I killed my best friend. My precious girl, she was an angel, she was the most well behaved animal I have even had the pleasure of meeting. She didn’t get up on things or rip things, she never ever not used her litter box. She was very simple and happy. She deserved so much better. She was only 7. I can not forgive God anymore, he has taken so much from me, I don’t need to be stronger! I don’t need to endure anymore great pain! I have had so much pain in my life. I mean, cmon, my Adrenal Glands were so over used by the time I hit my 20 that they quit at 22! Not deformed or any other reason, they were just exhausted! I understand a lot of the things that have happened in my life and I even understand the reason behind them and I did need to learn to be stronger and I was. But I have lived through it, I beat the pain, I saved myself and my kids from all the abuse and I made myself into the person I am now. I beat cancer. I have over come and have my rewards for my troubles. I have the most perfect man for me that could ever be, we have our quirky house, and we have our boys. Yes, his ex is still mentally and emotionally abusing his two and my grandkids are in a horrible situation but we are dealing, Day by day. How could anyone possibly thing I didn’t still need her! How could anyone think I could just get up and move on with out my shadow? She has been next to me every day since she could walk. She was my sunshine, my happiness and my baby.

Myah May Lee August 2011-August 2018

WhaT is all this about August? She was born and then God took my only 2 best friends ever in August?

Posted in my thoughts, Parents

Parenting Fail

Posted on by queentracey1

I started therapy as soon as I knew I was pregnant. I was a messed up person, all my life I had done things I could not understand or explain, I was in the mental ward of the hospital once for a month as a teenager and it did nothing but mess me up more. I lied to anyone who would listen, always felt inside I was just made bad. I took the normal families teasing and messing around personally, and just didn’t understand why I felt so sad inside at times.

That was just as a teenager. I was 22 when I got pregnant. I had multiple abusive relationship and allowed myself to be bossed around and insulted, I couldn’t explain my feeling and turned to anger. I had just recovered from almost dying from the doctors not diagnosing my Addison’s disease till the last-minute and now had to depend on a little pill just to stay alive.

My sons father was an abusive one and an alcoholic who I went back and forth with till Jacob was a year old and we lost everything in a house fire. He went to jail for three years and I became free of him. I knew I had to work on so much to be able to raise my boy so he didn’t turn into his father or a serial killer!

I thought I failed till he turned 18 and literally flipped a switch. He had been caught shoplifting, drank and smoked pot, and I had to have the police take him to school many times. Now he’s 20. He is home for summer break from college which he got into and started from going to job Corp which used to be just were judges sent kids, but, he has his diploma even tho he had to take extra classes to get, he has a CNA license, an ECT license and personal trainer license, but, he is still completely inconsiderate, kinda selfish and seems to have no empathy. I know it could be so much worse but it is killing me! We have so much on our plates right now but he just ads more. Doesn’t seem to care or just doesn’t remember anything I tell him or ask him. I feel I failed him. We’re did I go wrong , what did I do, or not do to make him become like this?, especially since I am a “give the shirt off my back kind “of person….

Posted in kids and crafts and more!!!, my thoughts, Shared, tips & tricks, WOW Stuff

11 DIY Pendant Lighting Projects — DIY Projects Craft Ideas & How To’s for Home Decor with Videos

Posted on by queentracey1

Brighten up your home in more ways than one with any of these stunningly beautiful pendant lighting projects. These projects are all made from recycled items and are all super easy to make–they won’t break the bank! 801 more words

via 11 DIY Pendant Lighting Projects — DIY Projects Craft Ideas & How To’s for Home Decor with Videos

Posted in my thoughts, Psychology, Shared

The 3 Tiers of Lying and How Well-Intentioned Lies Can Still Destroy Relationships — Must Be This Tall To Ride

Posted on by queentracey1

How many times have you lied to people you genuinely love and respect in the past few days? If someone asked me that, I’m pretty sure I’d say “Zero! I don’t lie to people, but especially not to those I care about most!” And by doing so, I’d be telling another lie. I don’t think […]

via The 3 Tiers of Lying and How Well-Intentioned Lies Can Still Destroy Relationships — Must Be This Tall To Ride

Posted in kids and crafts and more!!!, my thoughts, Parents, Psychology, Uncategorized, WOW Stuff

How much more!

Posted on by queentracey1

From my own personal experience, someone who was “cheated on” by there husband does not go have an affair with a married man.

In my opinion someone who is a parent, a good parent, can not say someone else’s kid should go with out the essentials to live , if it means anything less for them!

Someone who lies a lot to their kids, who constantly puts down the other parent to the kids, who does everything possible to try to make everyone and anyone think that parent is a horrible person, and gets away with it for years, is not just a pitiful, disgusting, selfish , sorry excuse for a parent, but for a human being!

The faith I have in Maine state department of child support, child abuse, the court system, all of it, has wavered so much lately, to be told the mental and emotional abuse of kids is unimportant because they are 10 and 12, shocked me. They can take care of themselves.

The thought that things will not be seen fairly for each family, his kids deserve it yes, but why does that mean mine doesn’t?

Please someone tell me, that these two boys are not going to be screwed up for life? We can only help them so much only having them for two nights a month, we want so much more time, please let the fathers rights be seen as actually equal as the moms. Joint custody means so much more than what we get, we have to fight and argue for school information, for special event information,

i am so tired. When will the world stop being filled with so many hateful people?Why aren’t the kids the most important thing?

 

Posted in my thoughts, Parents, Psychology

Never , ever, ever!!!

Posted on by queentracey1

Never, ever, until you are no longer paying, throw away receipts that have to do with child support payments!!!!!!!!!

If your ex fills out papers claiming you have not paid in a year, it is up to you to prove them wrong. You need to have a receipt, direct deposit slip, something to prove at least eight out of twelve for anyone to even consider you are telling the truth. ( guilty till proven innocent) then , the ex can just say, oops, and that’s it. No penalty for lying, no, well maybe we will forget a week of owed payments, nope, nothing! Maybe she decided last minute it looked stupid complaining about three weeks behind.

It has been nothing but vindictive bs with this woman!!! But you all know how that works, when u leave a narcissist and find someone else quickly and become happy, that’s not allowed!!!!

Posted in kids and crafts and more!!!, my thoughts, Reviews, Shared, tips & tricks, WOW Stuff

Paper Rose Table Backdrop — My Creative State Of Mind

Posted on by queentracey1

Roses are an elegant flower. Even more so when they’re LARGE paper flowers behind a dessert table! I loved making this gorgeous paper flower set. I hope you enjoyed this share. Thank you, friends! Please don’t forget to like and share this post. Join my Facebook Page over on the right column →

via Paper Rose Table Backdrop — My Creative State Of Mind