Category: my thoughts

Posted in my thoughts, organized, Shared

JUMP 

Posted on by queentracey1

So, it was brought to my attention that I was asking questions about pingbacks and the prompts from the daily post , but, I never did write anything on the one word prompt. 

It shows an inner look at my thoughts, my brain, the scattered way I do things because this is actually my life. I jump from thing to thing, thought to thought, project to project. Every aspect of my life is this way. I have tried to write things down so I don’t jump around, ya that doesn’t work. I wish I could organize my thoughts, goals, things I need to do, things I need to remember, sometimes it works for a short period of time but not long. I need major organization in my house, that would help alot I’m sure but not so easy , I have tons of stuff I need to get rid of to make room, which, means a yard sale which, I have the place, finally, to do it but now I need to figure out how to display ( display is the key in all sales) things, tables, tarps, place for hanging things, then prices and signed and of course when do I want to do this. My brothers wedding is in two weeks and I’m stressing out over that as it is but I also need to take into consideration we have a cornmaze to go to this year that is a daylong thing, another weekend is a family thing from my bf family, I am going to run out of weekends in October.  See what I mean, jump, jump, jump…. 

Posted in kids and crafts and more!!!, my thoughts, organized, Parents

Help, advice, please….

Posted on by queentracey1

I have a younger brother who is getting married on Oct 8. They are both big time gamers and computer know it all. I saw something like this and thought I could make them one for a wedding gift. I am panicking, is it dumb? If I do how should I word it? I was thinking a mixed media thing. I made the paddles from perler beads. I have the font, acylics, an actual controller wire. So, help me please, I need advice. Is is dumb? How should I word it? Should the heart go around everything or under?????

Please anyone I am in real need of advice!!!!

Posted in my thoughts, Shared

Jump…  prompts

Posted on by queentracey1

I am kinda confused on this whole thing from The Daily Post on the one word prompt pingbacks? I look in the comments and the dots in all the paragraphs are confusing me. Can someone explain how to do the ping backs for me? I have read a few things but I get confused. I’m going to try to find some through the daily post but help is always better.

Posted in My Photos of Maine, my thoughts

Stairway to ……

Posted on by queentracey1

love this place. When the water is still like this and the tide is going out, it’s so peaceful and quiet. It is hard to believe it’s across the street and out behind the places. The top of the stairs start from a parking lot behind the rooming house. You find beauty in some unusual places.

Posted in kids and crafts and more!!!, my thoughts, Parents, WOW Stuff

When they get quiet 

Posted on by queentracey1

I think, hhhmmmm, she is all quiet,  better see what she’s doing. I turn and am looking for her, on the floor , then she giggles and I walk around the couch some more and see her sitting up on the stand. I said,” what are you doing,” she pats the stand like she does when she wants to sit on something and just says” up, up.” I say, “yes I see you are up on grammie stand, does that look like a seat? “She just smiles. That smile, that little girl. I don’t know what I would do without her and her brother. They add choas but it seems to help with my own choas inside…

Posted in my thoughts

The things people do…

Posted on by queentracey1

In a matter of ten minutes, yup, ten minutes there was three car accidents on my little street. On one end two vehicles each with two little older ladies in them got into an accident. Air bags deployed and everyone was fine. Not even five minutes and another accident on the other end of the street happened and maybe three minutes later people being noisy ran into the back of a van, so there’s three.I don’t know what caused the first but the second was kids running across the street I was told, although I was thinking more like they were trying to see what was going on sounded more realistic, and the third was curiosity getting the best of people. In the years , 6 or 8 , whatever, never have I seen such a thing. No one was hurt and the police had some action but I wonder how much of it was just because of the things people do.

Posted in my thoughts

Day one

Posted on by queentracey1

I didn’t accomplish much today, I am making something for my little brothers wedding that I hope I have the nerve to give them. They are huge gamers, both love them and are computer geeks. I get projects made but chicken out before giving them. I will get opinions as I go from you to help with that. I tried getting my windows 10 upgrade and it messed up my speech recognition that I was using to get all my horrors down on paper.so, no life helping or changing accomplishments today. I realized, I don’t know we’re to start….. Do I set goals, give myself time limits, I’m not sure…

Posted in my thoughts, organized, Parents

Part 2

Posted on by queentracey1

It’s hard to figure out what to tell to help imagine who you are and how u got there, 

Could be from when I was a tween, the first time crying over a boy and ran to my mother, when she realized what it was about she harshly said oh you will get over it and walked away….did that say to me that my feelings were not important.? Yes I think so.

Our house burned two weeks before my son’s first birthday. I got the abusive man part but then spent eight years with one emotionally unavailable and mentally abusive. I was an extreme extrovert before and now, I go days or weeks without leaving my house. I am an extreme introvert. I shy from people. I do not like the way I look but can not do to much to change it. I attract narcissistic people and I let them use me for whatever. I need to change me. 

Posted in my thoughts, organized, Parents

Challenge to Myself

Posted on by queentracey1

I need some pick me up on becoming…….

I am really trying to find myself but get stumped in depression or it’s to hard, or I try to give up. I am not happy with my life, were I am at 42, what am I doing? Is this it? I should be more than what I am and I want more. So, anyway,  I am going to challenge myself to do one post everyday about, something I did to reach my goals that day, something positive  I can say everyday. About me. 

He’s a very quick summary to help you all to maybe get me better. If that’s possible!! Lol

 At 22ish I was diagnosed Addisons Disease, hypothyroidism.

 Married an abusive man because I was to scared to say no. We had a son. Left him and the first time I was with another man, boom pregnant. On birth control both times!!! Lol both times I was just getting back on my feet. Started with more health issues, one thing after another. I have heard, arthritis, fibromyalgia, scoliosis, carpel tunnel, mixed connective tissue disease, etc.etc.etc. I have tried to work but something keeps happening were I get sick then get fired. S S says because I can work some I do not qualify but I can not work enough to support my kids by myself??? Have something wrong with just the left side of my body were my hip area swells as in, size 12 when I get up, size 16 if I am active. I have gained more weight but can not excercise without swelling and hurting more. I was abandoned by my family for poor choices in my youth and still receive no support from them. I am lucky to get a card from my mother for Xmas. They all live in the same town. My 18 son did start to go the wrong path but has realized it and has gone back to school for his diploma, has a talent for singing and leaves for job Corp in 2 weeks, so I can’t be that bad of a mother. Never had money from his father and he has never been around. My 13 son is sweet and smart and a great kid, his dad is around some and does pay his child support.

So, I am a mental and physical mess and I want to at least make me happy. That was t as quick as I said, sorry. 

Posted in my thoughts

Bipolar

Posted on by queentracey1

I usually try not to get into really serious things but I have had bipolar reach its hand out and touch my life.

My best friend of 17 years has bipolar, she jokes and says she is literally crazy with that and her other issues but is a great person with a big heart. She recently got off S.S. and took advantage of the state free program to be a cna, graduated first in her class and has just opened up her wings. I have been so proud of her. Whatever the reasoning for why all that mattered was she did it. She became self sufficient, a great mom and an even better friend. I guess she was too happy. She all of a sudden went manic and ended up in houlton maine which is like an hour and half drive??  She made it out and home in 20 days which is a record I guess, she says years ago, 6 maybe? Or 8? Idk but she usually takes months to get back to her normal thing. Tragedy wasn’t done with us yet about 2 weeks, if that after she came home her four year old’s father passed away completely unexpectedly in his sleep. The doctor’s have taken all this into account with adjusting her medications and have totally failed. She is no longer my bubbly energized friend. She is so lethargic and quite, no more out throwing the balls around with her boys, no going to the gym at 4 am everyday, she’s having a hard time at work even. I miss her so much. I am trying to of course be as supportive as I can be in hopes they will keep messing with her medications so we can get her back. It blows my mind how all this happened to her because she was too happy, her life was going to good. Her medications stopped working is what the drs say but it was like piping a switch. 

I have never experienced this before, I had moved away for a few years last time but those two times are the only times it has happened to her and last time it was things were to bad so it’s a different and I don’t see it but she says she’s glad I wasn’t here last time.