Category: my thoughts

I can go back through my life and see every important relationship, event or experience is somehow, some way building up to the finale.

Things I learned in different relationships, reasoning as to why I was meant to have a son with an alcoholic, my battle with self worth and self sabotage, I truly believe everything happens for a reason.

To one day wake up and realize, I understand, I see why I went through this, I see my reasoning, it’s a mind blowing experience!

My life has been filled with , anger, pain, anxiety, depression, low self esteem and so much loneliness, I never felt like I belonged and went through life thinking something was wrong with me, mentally and emotionally.

Then I met my husband. I know it may sound, wrong , I do not define myself by having a husband, but I truly understand.

His ex is a narcissistic alcoholic who is mentally and emotionally abusive. His children have lived in this and through her need to make sure they depended on her and would never leave her, holding back love and evolving them into adult matters they could not understand. Her parents are enabling and he was secluded from any support of his own.

I realized with each relationship what mattered to me, in a partner and friend , in a father figure and even in physical features and characteristics.

To have an unending, completely reliable source of trust, love and support, someone who can connect the dots of my life for me and finally show me the finished or almost finished picture they make. It’s liberating to say the least.