The past two years of my life have been the best ever with a few exceptions, I am a creative person through to my soul. Decoration, is a passion, but this year it’s gone? I have a beautiful home, a loving amazing husband, so what’s wrong with me? I look at all my decorations and just don’t feel like putting them up. Yes,I am stressed, my house is always turned upside down with remodeling, I have half a kitchen, no doors on the cabinets or drawers but the rest is done. I have shoes and pillows piled up on shelves cause my dog won’t stop chewing them, although I know he does it to get attention, which I am not giving him? I don’t feel like Christmas. I don’t know were It is but, it is not here, not inside me. I had cut back two of my depression meds in the past 6 months, could that be it? I was put on Prozac at 18. I took 40 mil till I was about 30. Then they said,it’s not working anymore, I started cymbalta, I was on 60 for mental then on 30 for pain. I also take webutrin, was on 300, cut back to 150. But now, I don’t know what is wrong with me?
7 Signs of Narcissistic Abuse – Infographic
People come and go in our lives, some you stay in contact with and some you don’t. Some are always within reach, some become just acquaintances or someone you used to know. Last Sunday I found out that someone I was once good friends?, buddies, with, how to even define it now?, but he passed away. (We hung out as teens, have been in the same social circle since then, talked once in awhile on Facebook but he left state , we had a death in our circle way back when that made some of us closer for life and he was one of mine.) It was a shock to lots of people, then we found out the news report said he was homeless!!!?? As people started looking and digging into things he had been in a lot of trouble, had got in to cocaine, was arrested multiple times for varies things?!!? He was in Vermont and we here in Maine were just incredibly shocked as more and more came out.
Some things said was if anyone had known he was in such bad shape they would have helped him, but obviously he didn’t want us to know. If we had known we would have gone and got him and brought him home, but we didn’t . I understand his shame and not letting us know but how far is far enough? They have no idea what happened to him or how he died? He was only 45.
It makes me realize, we tell the depressed and the addicts to reach out for help, but what if they can’t? What if they are too ashamed? Do we just sit back and loose them forever? I never had a chance to even think maybe he was in trouble,
I’m so torn up inside, I have been trying not to cry consistently, part of me says fine if that’s the way he wants it then let it be.
The other part says no, u don’t get to call me mom just when u want to, either I am or I am not.
I haven’t talked to him, he may have said not to tell me anything
Or, she’s doing it because she is enjoying the attention and she is and has only seen the good side.
I’m the one that got nasty messages from angry people who’s car he stole.
I’m torn, what do I do???
(For full story see previous post, y am I so bothered?)
If you have followed me for a bit you would here now and again about my best friend who has bipolar. We have gone through her manias, people taking advantage of her in her manic state, and her multiple manic episodes in the past year. I have learned a lot by reading and talking to people about the illness. My girl went ten years with out an episode but then her father died and started a roller coaster of episodes. When her baby daddy died it just got worse and it has been not only hard on her but her three boys as well.
This time is the depression and it is completely new to me, I have never had any experience with this and it’s pretty scary. I went to check on her and she is not her, lost weight, staring off and not really even answering any questions or acknowledged I was there. She went in to the hospital last night and her dr was supposed to come in and see her this morning to give her a shot of some kind to help her come out of it. I can’t imagine how hard it must be for her kids to have to see her going through this.
If I looked back a few years or more the person you would see would not be me. From physical, mental and emotional abused relationships always with narcissist men , to realizing I needed to change myself for my kids sake and then the journey back to being at peace( mostly) with my self, I have come a long way. I still think of the years I spent hiding inside my safety of home and letting life just slip by. I wasted years and years like that. I still would rather be in my house but I love myself now so it’s different. It’s not easy asking for help, getting into therapy and staying with it but I know with out a doubt it saved me. I still deal with narcissist people, and I try to remember they really are not doing it intentionally, or don’t even realize they are but it is not easy.
Ever since I was diagnosed with Addisons Disease my body has been screwed up. I have had so many diagnoses that have ended up being wrong that it’s hard to keep track.
Mixed connective tissue disease
Allergy to the sun
That’s just off the top.of my head there is so much more. Every year, when it changes to summer, my skin changes, one year when I itched, they swelled into huge welts. My Dr scratched me then went to let the student in and they had swelled in that time so much he speechless at first. I have fibromyalgia, on one side of my body?? I get cluster headaches but they are totally different from what they are supposed to be. They start some were on my head and move behind my eye, then they stay for hours. I will get just one once in awhile or one every day for a week. I noticed recently if I don’t get enough salt I feel tired and sluggish.
I dread the changing of the seasons. Pain has become part of my every day life. This year I am getting strange rashes, almost like I’m allergic to my own sweat. Working on the house, packing and moving can make u really sweaty. I haven’t changed anything but still have rashes all under my arms, on my chest, along my pants line on my waist. I’m so frustrated. Today I’m noticing an area on my head is itching.
My legs turn red w blue blotches and itch whenever I take a shower or do dishes. My hip swells and makes me look crooked.
I’m just tired of it.