Wedding
Tag: Relationships
This weeks grief
I went in to get a quick med check with one of my drs and the nurse was telling me about her asking her husband to sleep in and I completely lost it. I started crying and she had no idea why. So again I started to tell my story of my husband passing. Then came the questions, how, when, what did you do about it.
How many people lost loved ones for other reasons than why they were in the hospital to begin with?
How many were , as I was , told there is nothing anyone can do because they were there for surgery or cancer or both? The reason my husband died in the Maine Medical Hospital in Portland Maine was not because of his surgery or because of the cancer we they removed in the surgery , no it was because when things went south they didn’t call his doctor in as instructed so in a matter of hours he bleed in to his stomach so much that his heart stopped. When requesting his medical files the dr wrote on a sticky note that he was not called in. I truly believe he could have saved him but because they just say a complication of surgery due to cancer, I can do nothing.
This week, I started out ok, then it all went to hell as the rush of emotions and the feeling of drowning came back.
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Alienating Yourself
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Leave, Stay
All I can do is keep breathing
I cant tbreath with out you
I know I have to let you go
I need you still
My heart may heal someday
My soul hurts when yours is not here
You where the lobe of my life
I love you more than life
New pup
Impulsive control issues due to new meds or , just a new family member?? We will see
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How to live again
For the past year since my husband died I have gotten out of bed, gone to the couch and back to bed. I have tried to start to heal but every time something throws me back on the couch, COVID, eczema on my hands, something mentally or financially stressing me out. This is by far the hardest thing I have ever done..
My husband was my world, we had an epic loved every one who knew us talked about. We first met at 15, he knew I was the one right then and there but I didn’t. Through out the years we just missed each other many times and then he found me again on a dating app my friends put up. I made him wait a month and half before I finally said yes to going out but we text every day till then so I had gotten to know him well. I think I already had fallen for him but I definitely knew by the end of that night he was the one.
We had 6 years, 3 months and 9 days .
He was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer in January last year, he went in for a major surgery in March and never came home.
He insisted he was going to be ok, he swore God would not take him from everything he had ever wanted just like that.
I went for custody of my step son who already lived here with us because his mother was a drunk and I knew my husband would want me to, she drank herself to death in Nov. I won custody. I have been doing ok with cooking but he’s 17 this year so does a lot of it himself. I order groceries and just pick them up,
His one year anniversary is coming up and I still can’t breathe.
How to save him
This is Blu he is, I believe 3,and he is going to be put down on Tuesday.
His human family got him during COVID , he was never socialized or taken anywhere and has become aggressive to anyone who comes to the house that is not there all the time.
He got his name from his beautiful blue eyes, although you can’t see then in the photo. He played with my dog outside for awhile until he was bigger and ended up getting into a fight with my dog. Blu was running up to my husband and my dog stepped in between. Blu has only associated with the dog and cat living in the home and not been leash trained.
I feel for him so much because he is being put down on Tuesday. The family has three kids with lots of friends and family that has to call ahead or wait outside to visit. Blu goes in his crate when he is alone and stays on his short run outside.
I can’t take him due to my dog and I live next door. He needs someone who is skilled to help him become people friendly but he is such a good boy in the house with the family. It’s not fair he has to be put down, he is still young and healthy. It makes me sad being an animal lover.
Grief
My grief has taken over my every breath, my every thought, and my every moment.
Don’t ask me
My world stopped
Why is the sun rising?
Why are the birds singing?
Why has the world kept living
My heart is shattered, my mind is muck , my body is numb , I can’t get unstuck.
The moment he left me my world split and shattered.
I have never experienced such pain, such anguish as I did on that day, that day you went away.
My best friend, my soul mate, the reason my world spun, my husband, my hero, David Bernier. My love, my life, is gone
It hits home
Oh Deer
Mom sent dad to the store for a little deer family to put in the front of the house. Now my dad was an avid hunter, it was even in the wedding vows that he takes November off for hunting, I think that’s why this happened.
Dad died last Christmas Eve from Covid so mom sent these out to our place since we have the big yard. They are 7 feet tall easy!!
We miss you dad!
Tracey in Maine 