thoughts – Page 40 – Tracey in Maine

kids and crafts and more!!!, my thoughts, organized, Parents

Help, advice, please….

Posted on September 22, 2016 by queentracey1

I have a younger brother who is getting married on Oct 8. They are both big time gamers and computer know it all. I saw something like this and thought I could make them one for a wedding gift. I am panicking, is it dumb? If I do how should I word it? I was thinking a mixed media thing. I made the paddles from perler beads. I have the font, acylics, an actual controller wire. So, help me please, I need advice. Is is dumb? How should I word it? Should the heart go around everything or under?????

Please anyone I am in real need of advice!!!!

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Posted on September 20, 2016 by queentracey1

The Ability in dis-A-bility (4 min read) – http://wp.me/p7hi1Z-5QO

kids and crafts and more!!!, my thoughts, Parents, WOW Stuff

When they get quiet

Posted on September 20, 2016 by queentracey1

I think, hhhmmmm, she is all quiet, better see what she’s doing. I turn and am looking for her, on the floor , then she giggles and I walk around the couch some more and see her sitting up on the stand. I said,” what are you doing,” she pats the stand like she does when she wants to sit on something and just says” up, up.” I say, “yes I see you are up on grammie stand, does that look like a seat? “She just smiles. That smile, that little girl. I don’t know what I would do without her and her brother. They add choas but it seems to help with my own choas inside…

my thoughts, organized, Parents

Part 2

Posted on September 19, 2016 by queentracey1

It’s hard to figure out what to tell to help imagine who you are and how u got there,

Could be from when I was a tween, the first time crying over a boy and ran to my mother, when she realized what it was about she harshly said oh you will get over it and walked away….did that say to me that my feelings were not important.? Yes I think so.

Our house burned two weeks before my son’s first birthday. I got the abusive man part but then spent eight years with one emotionally unavailable and mentally abusive. I was an extreme extrovert before and now, I go days or weeks without leaving my house. I am an extreme introvert. I shy from people. I do not like the way I look but can not do to much to change it. I attract narcissistic people and I let them use me for whatever. I need to change me.

my thoughts, organized, Parents

Challenge to Myself

Posted on September 19, 2016 by queentracey1

I need some pick me up on becoming…….

I am really trying to find myself but get stumped in depression or it’s to hard, or I try to give up. I am not happy with my life, were I am at 42, what am I doing? Is this it? I should be more than what I am and I want more. So, anyway, I am going to challenge myself to do one post everyday about, something I did to reach my goals that day, something positive I can say everyday. About me.

He’s a very quick summary to help you all to maybe get me better. If that’s possible!! Lol

At 22ish I was diagnosed Addisons Disease, hypothyroidism.

Married an abusive man because I was to scared to say no. We had a son. Left him and the first time I was with another man, boom pregnant. On birth control both times!!! Lol both times I was just getting back on my feet. Started with more health issues, one thing after another. I have heard, arthritis, fibromyalgia, scoliosis, carpel tunnel, mixed connective tissue disease, etc.etc.etc. I have tried to work but something keeps happening were I get sick then get fired. S S says because I can work some I do not qualify but I can not work enough to support my kids by myself??? Have something wrong with just the left side of my body were my hip area swells as in, size 12 when I get up, size 16 if I am active. I have gained more weight but can not excercise without swelling and hurting more. I was abandoned by my family for poor choices in my youth and still receive no support from them. I am lucky to get a card from my mother for Xmas. They all live in the same town. My 18 son did start to go the wrong path but has realized it and has gone back to school for his diploma, has a talent for singing and leaves for job Corp in 2 weeks, so I can’t be that bad of a mother. Never had money from his father and he has never been around. My 13 son is sweet and smart and a great kid, his dad is around some and does pay his child support.

So, I am a mental and physical mess and I want to at least make me happy. That was t as quick as I said, sorry.

my thoughts

Unorganized

Posted on September 17, 2016 by queentracey1

I jump around from different subjects to taking pictures to sharing posts to posting my own things. I guess it may be a look onto my inner self because my life is as unorganized as my blog. I try to stay on to the same subjects that I started on but maybe it is expanding my mind as I expand my blog? I have multiple projects all over my house that are unfinished. Each room is filled with different types of projects, beads in my computer area, woodwork in the living room, baskets and staining projects in the kitchen…..lol. I just wanted to say to you who have blessed me with your confidence enough to follow me that I hope my jumping subjects doesn’t disappoint. If it does I am sorry.

my thoughts

When I Died…

Posted on September 15, 2016 by queentracey1

I stopped living when I died. 20 years ago I became ill. The first time I knew something was wrong it was Easter, I became a skeleton, my hair fell out, my eyes sunk into my head, I was yellow with jaundice. I could not stand or sit, I felt like I needed to lay down but already was. I didn’t eat. I only slept. I was dying and no one new why. A family friend, not my mother, not my brother, a friend decided she wasn’t going to just sit and watch me die. I barely remember her carrying me to the van, I don’t remember the drive, I remember being pushed into the emergency room in Portland and they started to hook me up to machines before even knowing my name. My blood pressure was so low they couldn’t get a reading. I lost all my muscle and was 90 pounds at 5’6.They say I died. They said I was gone for a quick moment and the adrenaline they administered was what saved me but also made them realize what I had. I was diagnosed with Addisons Disease and hypothyroidism, that was November. No one lived that long before when your adrenal glands stop working, they stop. I poured salt into my mouth all the time, I craved it. The dr’s say that’s what saved me. I lost a part of me that day. I have survived since then, but not lived. I was an extreme extrovert as a teen, now I hardly leave my house for days or weeks at a time. Yes, I have had more issues arise and many more health issues have been found but inside I no it started that day, the day I died.

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