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I have written this poem in different ways since my boys were born to include the times and situations. I sent this with my son to have in his apt , he knows it’s just a , makes mom feel better thing! Lol I can’t believe how fast time has gone, my youngest is 16 and 6 feet tall and my first born is getting ready to go to Med school!
I feel old!!!
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My days all start with the same old game, open your eyes jump and up quick or feel like your dragging yourself all day,
Getting out of bed and moving around , is like telling the future of what my day will behold,
Someday I wobble and don’t feel secure not really sure if I will land on the floor
I take my pills, a handful to start, try to be a mother, try to be a wife
Half an hour at a time, I live my life
Not sitting too long or reading at all, it knocks me out and I hit a wall.
The day will end , no matter what time, if I drive or ride, read or write , mostly if I use my computer at all,
30 min later the alarm will ring, half an hour at a time, what a life
Falling asleep driving limits this for me , the thought of hurting anyone I can’t go far from home
What work could I do, physically week and plenty of pain for me
Can’t sit at a desk or stand for long , can’t drive , can’t type, can’t even write this blog, my eyes are falling
This day is over, the monotony of my life
Living 30 min at a time ,
my prison inside my own home
I just want to express my frustration, seems everything I do is a quote .
I use my app and it is outdated, deleted and reinstalled, nope still the same. If I go to the site on a browser then I have my updated categories and things , I have continued to battle this but I realize at the moment the site looks horrible so,
Please bare with me.
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My husband and his older son have been going to see a therapist, at different times because he “hates” him. His ex refuses to let him go in a lone , she even after being asked and told multiple times to stop, talks about him right in front of the boy. She has made up lots of whopper stories about both of us. She has more than just a negative attitude but is the biggest narcissist I have ever met.
After months of this weekly it has come to the point that the therapist is writing to the court to make her recommendations. She thinks Garrett has autism, ex freaked out, she thinks he should be re-evaluated, ex said no, so she said point blank, You are nothing but negative, you have put many things in to this child’s head, you are the poster example of parental alienation and you also need individual therapy! We have her printing it all up and on our next check in phone call going to throw it all out. All that we have on her, all she has done and we will see what happens. She has made claims and accusations but has no proof of anything. We do.
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“Happiness is the highest form of health.” – Dalai Lama…
— Read on formuchdeliberation.wordpress.com/2019/04/19/happiness-is-the-highest-form-of-health-dalai-lama/
Scheduling my day , trying to decide what needs to be done. For anything involving my computer, like this, for example, reading or even driving, I have to do it 30 min at a time. My life feels like one long to do page, having to stand and move around so I don’t fall asleep. Can’t go anywhere over 30 min away. Can’t read any of the many, many, books I still want to read, unless it’s night and it’s ok to fall asleep.
Once I fall asleep and jolt awake again, I can try and try to get back my energy but it is gone for good for that day.
Is it horrible, yes it is. Is it a severe pain and makes me just want to cry the tears from all the way down in to my toes, yes, yes it does.
Living 30 minutes at a time
Can not sit , and let my mind go
Can not jump in the car and drive anywhere just because
I love to learn and I love to read
I loved when I used to feel more free
Now if I sit to long it sucks away my living
If I am up to long and do to much
I usually will have a price of pain to pay
Which way is up , which way is down
To be living instead of just surviving
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