Category: Parents

Posted in my thoughts, Parents

Could it all just be me???

Posted on by queentracey1

I went to see my younger brother today and as usual we talked about the family. I told him a lot on how I feel and he told me I was wrong pretty much. I said our mother was never there for me growing up, he said that makes no sense she is great to me and our older brother. I said whatever came into memory and he said it is out of our mothers character. I brought up, I wasn’t a problem kid like she says, how was I so bad, I didn’t come home pregnant till 22, wasn’t a junkie, didn’t even loose my virginity till almost 16. I didn’t understand at that age how I felt or how to express any of it. He said he didn’t understand, mom was not like that at all that he has seen. He is about 13, or so years younger than me. I can’t believe all this is from my father living in a diff state, we made our peace with each other when I was 20. The thing that I can’t get past is my mother and older brother talked about taking my son from me. It blows my mind. Our house burned 2 weeks b 4 my son’s first birthday.we went to live with my older brother. Him and his wife tried to change me drastically. Not just my hair and clothes and I moved out after two months even though they really didn’t think I should. I don’t k ow if it was then or before that but he claims they say my son was malnourished and always had bruises. I can’t even begin to argue how wrong that is. I can get his medical records from that time but I don’t understand they never tried talking to me, I never had the state involved except for the volunteer programs I was involved in. He said something had to make them decide that Jacob needed to be protected, they were just looking out for the best interest of Jacob. I do not understand any of this. I wasn’t born messed up. I was made that way, I didn’t chose abusive men because I felt like I, I didn’t think I deserved better. It all came from some were. Did it just come from me?

Posted in kids and crafts and more!!!, my thoughts, organized, Parents

Help, advice, please….

Posted on by queentracey1

I have a younger brother who is getting married on Oct 8. They are both big time gamers and computer know it all. I saw something like this and thought I could make them one for a wedding gift. I am panicking, is it dumb? If I do how should I word it? I was thinking a mixed media thing. I made the paddles from perler beads. I have the font, acylics, an actual controller wire. So, help me please, I need advice. Is is dumb? How should I word it? Should the heart go around everything or under?????

Please anyone I am in real need of advice!!!!

Posted in kids and crafts and more!!!, my thoughts, Parents, WOW Stuff

When they get quiet 

Posted on by queentracey1

I think, hhhmmmm, she is all quiet,  better see what she’s doing. I turn and am looking for her, on the floor , then she giggles and I walk around the couch some more and see her sitting up on the stand. I said,” what are you doing,” she pats the stand like she does when she wants to sit on something and just says” up, up.” I say, “yes I see you are up on grammie stand, does that look like a seat? “She just smiles. That smile, that little girl. I don’t know what I would do without her and her brother. They add choas but it seems to help with my own choas inside…

Posted in my thoughts, organized, Parents

Part 2

Posted on by queentracey1

It’s hard to figure out what to tell to help imagine who you are and how u got there, 

Could be from when I was a tween, the first time crying over a boy and ran to my mother, when she realized what it was about she harshly said oh you will get over it and walked away….did that say to me that my feelings were not important.? Yes I think so.

Our house burned two weeks before my son’s first birthday. I got the abusive man part but then spent eight years with one emotionally unavailable and mentally abusive. I was an extreme extrovert before and now, I go days or weeks without leaving my house. I am an extreme introvert. I shy from people. I do not like the way I look but can not do to much to change it. I attract narcissistic people and I let them use me for whatever. I need to change me. 

Posted in my thoughts, organized, Parents

Challenge to Myself

Posted on by queentracey1

I need some pick me up on becoming…….

I am really trying to find myself but get stumped in depression or it’s to hard, or I try to give up. I am not happy with my life, were I am at 42, what am I doing? Is this it? I should be more than what I am and I want more. So, anyway,  I am going to challenge myself to do one post everyday about, something I did to reach my goals that day, something positive  I can say everyday. About me. 

He’s a very quick summary to help you all to maybe get me better. If that’s possible!! Lol

 At 22ish I was diagnosed Addisons Disease, hypothyroidism.

 Married an abusive man because I was to scared to say no. We had a son. Left him and the first time I was with another man, boom pregnant. On birth control both times!!! Lol both times I was just getting back on my feet. Started with more health issues, one thing after another. I have heard, arthritis, fibromyalgia, scoliosis, carpel tunnel, mixed connective tissue disease, etc.etc.etc. I have tried to work but something keeps happening were I get sick then get fired. S S says because I can work some I do not qualify but I can not work enough to support my kids by myself??? Have something wrong with just the left side of my body were my hip area swells as in, size 12 when I get up, size 16 if I am active. I have gained more weight but can not excercise without swelling and hurting more. I was abandoned by my family for poor choices in my youth and still receive no support from them. I am lucky to get a card from my mother for Xmas. They all live in the same town. My 18 son did start to go the wrong path but has realized it and has gone back to school for his diploma, has a talent for singing and leaves for job Corp in 2 weeks, so I can’t be that bad of a mother. Never had money from his father and he has never been around. My 13 son is sweet and smart and a great kid, his dad is around some and does pay his child support.

So, I am a mental and physical mess and I want to at least make me happy. That was t as quick as I said, sorry. 

Posted in kids and crafts and more!!!, my thoughts, Parents, tips & tricks

My boys creations thru the years…

Posted on by queentracey1

Obviously the tea pots are just there to hold things up and because this was my tea pot collections cabinet, but,I wanted my sons projects more spread out so I could see them all. I noticed how most of them are from my 18 that he made while he was in school. My 13 and I noticed that most of the things he has brought home over the years were more, paper projects. That makes me wonder about Art in our schools and just were it is going. They have noticed the clinical aspect of coloring at any age. I truly feel art can be used to help heal, it is its own therapy. As social studies and history have been debated  necessary I could never see art that way. Our kids argue on why do they need to study this and that and how they will not use them ever in life after school and to a point I do agree, but then there is the few who will become history majors, or history and social studies teachers, we’re would they be? So the arguments can go on forever (,even if I am just arguing with myself!!!, lol) But not with Art, It is necessary for all youth.

Posted in my thoughts, Parents, Reviews

Kung fu panda 3

Posted on by queentracey1

Great movie!! I actually think I liked this one the best out of the 3 so far. Kids and adults can enjoy this movie which makes it a perfect family night movie!! If u like animation movies even if you don’t have kids I would still say to watch it. You will enjoy it.