Category: self-help

Posted in my thoughts, Parents, Psychology, self-help

I am DONE being an addict

Posted on by queentracey1

For 12 years, maybe 15 I have been doing suboxen because I became addicted to opioids. I have health issues and they told me all the time, (the dr’s )that my body could not handle detox that it would kill me. I died the day I did my first drug. I am tired of it, I don’t want to do this anymore.

I can’t keep dealing with the shame of being an addict. My husband has never even hit a joint! For real! He doesn’t understand at all but he is trying. I cut down to 2 mg months ago and for the past two day I have been doing one. It is not in my head, the lack of energy, the lack of motivation, I also have more pain than normal but I can think that away with the weather. I have to trick myself into not being affected by this. I need to know what it is like to feel normal, but with my Addison’s I won’t ever, so how normal can I get?

I need to sleep. I’m so tired. Igo through fazes of not sleeping and last night I woke up and could not go back to sleep and I need to sleep. I am supposed to get 10-12 hours with my illnesses. I have to break that now before it really starts or it will be so much harder .

My son, the pre Med one, he knows all about it and he just says, mom who cares, u r not an addict, I think you should just leave it alone. But, I still feel it. I want so bad to change. I need to not have soo many regrets and not wish I had done this and that. I will not be ever to just travel if I am still on this crap. I will accomplish one big thing in my life besides my kids, even if it is the only think I ever do.

Laws of attraction, God, Angels, the universe, which ever one you believe in, please help me. Please.

Posted in my thoughts, Psychology, self-help, Uncategorized

Living 30 min at a time

Posted on by queentracey1

Scheduling my day , trying to decide what needs to be done. For anything involving my computer, like this, for example, reading or even driving, I have to do it 30 min at a time. My life feels like one long to do page, having to stand and move around so I don’t fall asleep. Can’t go anywhere over 30 min away. Can’t read any of the many, many, books I still want to read, unless it’s night and it’s ok to fall asleep.

Once I fall asleep and jolt awake again, I can try and try to get back my energy but it is gone for good for that day.

Is it horrible, yes it is. Is it a severe pain and makes me just want to cry the tears from all the way down in to my toes, yes, yes it does.

Living 30 minutes at a time

Can not sit , and let my mind go

Can not jump in the car and drive anywhere just because

I love to learn and I love to read

I loved when I used to feel more free

Now if I sit to long it sucks away my living

If I am up to long and do to much

I usually will have a price of pain to pay

Which way is up , which way is down

To be living instead of just surviving

Posted in my thoughts, Psychology, self-help

Mindset

Posted on by queentracey1

Trying to change my way of thinking. I have everything I need but keep finding reasons to not be able to finish my room, not able to do or make. I wanted to monetize my creative side and now that I have all I need I can’t get my butt in gear and do anything?? I think somewhere inside I am afraid to fail, think I am not good enough, I sabotage myself constantly. Maybe I just think to much.

I see and read all about changing your way of thinking ,changing your inner voice, subconscious, the values and beliefs you instilled as a child that now as an adult know are not right…

it is so mind exhausting to constantly be trying to figure out what has been holding me back from accomplishing anything in my life. I know I have the ability to do it. I know I have the skills and tools needed……

I was on a path to success, 21, already to be assistant manager at the convenience store I worked at, had my own apartment, was dating a pilot, moved in together and I started getting sick. I ended up working less and less and then quit all together, I started not eating, sleeping all the time, needing to sit all the time, hair was thinning out, skin turned yellow, after 6 months , I weighted 90 pounds, could not stay awake more than maybe an hour in a day and even when I was laying down felt like I needed to lay down. When Portland hospital finally diagnosed me I would have had maybe a couple weeks left to live. My life has never been even close to the same. The older I got the more illnesses you can add to the list and I had given up. I accepted my life was as it was. Then my husband fell into my lap! How many woman can say they found true love, never ever going anywhere or doing anything?

Now I have the husband, the house and all I could ever ask for. So what is my problem?!!!!