Tag: advice

Posted in my thoughts

Thoughts….everywhere

Posted on by queentracey1

I look at the other blogs I find and follow and see so much wisdom and beauty in pictures and words and also so much pain. I feel like a sponge always searching for more to absorb in self- health, metal and emotional health and sometimes I have so much to say that I can not say a word.

I have lived through every kind of abuse as I climbed up the ladder to mental health. I have had a “normal” childhood but found myself one screwed up person. I have grandkids who deserve so much better than what they have and live each day knowing to save them I would have to loose them due to my health not being good enough to care for them myself. But, is that just what I tell myself? Is it really me using my health as a crutch? Is my health even as bad as I think it is or have I just convinced myself it is?

I procrastinate like crazy, I would even say I am lazy. At times I do nothing and accomplish nothing in my day. My life changed completely finding my soulmate and he loves me as I am. He works his butt off to give me all he thinks I should have. I have survived but never actually lived. I was a hobbit only leaving my house when I had to, but was it because I was just to lazy to take a shower and care to a point about my appearance? I did this for years, I mean like ten years of wasted life.

I have so much to explore in mental health still. I know we can never stop growing inside and have found I actually enjoy psychology and reading about just how we work as people.

I also have piles of stuff and pages of ideas of things I want to make and create. My house is still not together yet. We are always working on it. At this time I have no kitchen. So much but at the same time nothing.

This is me today.

Fetch rewards


This app is great! You scan in receipts from any of your shopping trips and earn coins for things you buy. No coupons, nothing else! You earn 25 coins for loading a receipt and more coins for the amount u spend on certain brands , coins add up for rewards. So, you r shopping anyway, y not take one min to capture ur receipt and earn from it!?!? No brainer!?!?!

Get an automatic 2,000 points after loading your first receipt with this code and start on your way to money or gift cards!!!

RX0TK

go to the App Store and look up Fetch Rewards today!!!!

Posted in my thoughts, Parents

Change

Posted on by queentracey1

If I looked back a few years or more the person you would see would not be me. From physical, mental and emotional abused relationships always with narcissist men , to realizing I needed to change myself for my kids sake and then the journey back to being at peace( mostly) with my self, I have come a long way. I still think of the years I spent hiding inside my safety of home and letting life just slip by. I wasted years and years like that. I still would rather be in my house but I love myself now so it’s different. It’s not easy asking for help, getting into therapy and staying with it but I know with out a doubt it saved me. I still deal with narcissist people, and I try to remember they really are not doing it intentionally, or don’t even realize they are but it is not easy.

Posted in my thoughts

And it starts…..

Posted on by queentracey1

I haven’t had the best life and most of it was brought on myself, bad decisions, poor judgement and all that goes with it. I had 2017 like a dream from someone else’s life, everything was beautiful, every day I felt like a different person but feared it would not be so in 2018. I don’t want to be right. I know nothing will take my husband and family but if I become a financial burden, if my dr appt, meds and needs become overwhelming, it scares me.

In sept before we even got married I called and talked to someone from Dhs about my Maine care, my medical insurance, I have always had it and people were saying I would loose it once I got married. The woman whole heartedly reassured me that it was not true and even if it came to a change in it that it is a slow process and they give you lots of time and help to figure it all out.

Well guess what, time for my review came and I was told to do this and that instead, then my pharmacist called and said my insurance wasn’t working. I call, again and said I was just in last week with the information that I was told to get, oh no, I don’t know why you were told that, you need to do the review first even if you are changing all the information. So while I am jumping through hoops to get another bunch of papers done, I am out of meds and worried about my life. I need my medicine to live. Literally. I have Addison’s disease and need my meds to survive. I know David would never risk anything coming close to my running out of that medicine but I have others and I am out of two now. I can live but won’t be happy. I really have never had to deal with anything like this. Filing out the papers , they don’t care about loan payments or credit card debt, they want to know gross pay and necessary living bills. The house and vehicle , assets , his work stuff, all the stuff they take out for, not included, they look at our income so differently than how we actually live. I was living in a rent paid apartment, getting food and lights paid for as well. I left that stuff behind and just want the medical but now I see why so many people stay living on the states dime to keep it. I’m totally stressed and overly anxious about it all.

Posted in kids and crafts and more!!!, organized, Shared, tips & tricks, WOW Stuff

Bouquet preservation

Posted on by queentracey1

I made my wedding bouquet as some of you know, using latex Cali Lilly, leaf vines and other things, in a teardrop swag style.

So then the question was how do I keep it dust free , ready Incase I decide to use it again or simply because I want to keep it.

In all the websites it talks about fresh flowers or says just hang in sight to be dusted regularly. Dust??? Nope. Now I looked for a bag big enough and clear that I could use but didn’t find one. I needed to move it for Xmas so I got a little creative. I could and should have waited for help instead of trying to do it all one handed but I took out my kitchen Saran Wrap and started wrapping , trying not to get it to tight to squish anything. My son said it looks like a mummy.

Ignore the mess in the background, my duster on the floor, I tend to do three or four things at once.

Posted in my thoughts, Uncategorized

Mania

Posted on by queentracey1

I have posted before about my best friend and her struggle with mental illness and how it effects us all, but this time was different. Her bipolar has been a struggle for her in the past year more than she even let on to me. She has been in and out of the hospital many times , last I told you about her just getting better when her baby daddy died unexpectedly. They shocked her and she was gone, nothing like my best friend, her memory was mush and she was a zombie. Since then she has been up and down but I thought doing better. Today I got a call, she was back in the hospital and it was bad. The kids had been suffering with knowing it was happening, she was doing so much and I had no idea. I noticed by her Facebook posts that she was not right but pushed it away.  She has been keeping so much from me and I had no idea. I know if I was around and has seen her or the kids and house I would have known but I haven’t been and now I feel like I let her down. The kids are good now with her ex roommate there with them and can be there as long as needed. They say at the hospital she’s better today but they have no beds and her dr won’t be available till Monday. She just got a new job as in a week or so ago and has to work Monday and Tuesday but won’t be out and I can’t do the FAML(family and medical leave) papers for her. She was so good for ten years , her dad died a few years ago and it was hard on her but then when her baby daddy died she’s been manic since.  I feel so helpless.

Posted in kids and crafts and more!!!, my thoughts, organized, Parents, Reviews, Shared, tips & tricks, Uncategorized, WOW Stuff

Lifeline for bipolar friend, broken??

Posted on by queentracey1

Some of you may remember awhile ago I talked about my friend with bipolar and her bad spell. She hadn’t fully recovered from that when we were all struck by the sudden death of her baby daddy. They had been split for a little while now but proved his love when she went manic in making sure things that needed to be done along with me, got done. He always looked out for her and even then I saw a new side to him. Now she’s trying to get back up and was seeming to do great when she unexpectedly got fired from her job as a cna. She worked so hard getting totally off social security and providing for her and her boys all by herself. She had never even had a job , she had always been on ss and I for one was right by her side the whole way.

 She had not one complaint, not one warning or bad Mark anywhere in her work file, was the one cna that everyone loved and wanted to work with because she did the job and she did it good. She said that there was some paperwork that they didn’t get in, whether it was from the Dr or something she was supposed to fill out I’m not sure but just like that, done. We figure since the place was owned by maine general, and the people who treat her and help in monitoring her, all work for maine general. She said she’s to much of a liability, she could go manic at any time. Usually she catches it and gets help but this time it was from being to happy, not to sad. The disability advocates place can not help because they to, are maine general.

She worked for about a year, and in one second it was gone and I’m not sure how to help her. I have suggested a smaller business or maybe go a different way and do home help or something but not to just quit. She has given up. She is going down fast and I don’t know what to do. I am always the one her and a few others come to for advice or insight, but, this is the first time I don’t know what to say….