I haven’t had the best life and most of it was brought on myself, bad decisions, poor judgement and all that goes with it. I had 2017 like a dream from someone else’s life, everything was beautiful, every day I felt like a different person but feared it would not be so in 2018. I don’t want to be right. I know nothing will take my husband and family but if I become a financial burden, if my dr appt, meds and needs become overwhelming, it scares me.
In sept before we even got married I called and talked to someone from Dhs about my Maine care, my medical insurance, I have always had it and people were saying I would loose it once I got married. The woman whole heartedly reassured me that it was not true and even if it came to a change in it that it is a slow process and they give you lots of time and help to figure it all out.
Well guess what, time for my review came and I was told to do this and that instead, then my pharmacist called and said my insurance wasn’t working. I call, again and said I was just in last week with the information that I was told to get, oh no, I don’t know why you were told that, you need to do the review first even if you are changing all the information. So while I am jumping through hoops to get another bunch of papers done, I am out of meds and worried about my life. I need my medicine to live. Literally. I have Addison’s disease and need my meds to survive. I know David would never risk anything coming close to my running out of that medicine but I have others and I am out of two now. I can live but won’t be happy. I really have never had to deal with anything like this. Filing out the papers , they don’t care about loan payments or credit card debt, they want to know gross pay and necessary living bills. The house and vehicle , assets , his work stuff, all the stuff they take out for, not included, they look at our income so differently than how we actually live. I was living in a rent paid apartment, getting food and lights paid for as well. I left that stuff behind and just want the medical but now I see why so many people stay living on the states dime to keep it. I’m totally stressed and overly anxious about it all.
I have posted before about my best friend and her struggle with mental illness and how it effects us all, but this time was different. Her bipolar has been a struggle for her in the past year more than she even let on to me. She has been in and out of the hospital many times , last I told you about her just getting better when her baby daddy died unexpectedly. They shocked her and she was gone, nothing like my best friend, her memory was mush and she was a zombie. Since then she has been up and down but I thought doing better. Today I got a call, she was back in the hospital and it was bad. The kids had been suffering with knowing it was happening, she was doing so much and I had no idea. I noticed by her Facebook posts that she was not right but pushed it away. She has been keeping so much from me and I had no idea. I know if I was around and has seen her or the kids and house I would have known but I haven’t been and now I feel like I let her down. The kids are good now with her ex roommate there with them and can be there as long as needed. They say at the hospital she’s better today but they have no beds and her dr won’t be available till Monday. She just got a new job as in a week or so ago and has to work Monday and Tuesday but won’t be out and I can’t do the FAML(family and medical leave) papers for her. She was so good for ten years , her dad died a few years ago and it was hard on her but then when her baby daddy died she’s been manic since. I feel so helpless.
Never will I be ready to watch you leave. The day you arrived was the day my life truly began. Never could I have imagined my boy would grow to such a wonderful young man, never because I doubted you but in doubt of myself. I am so proud of my son. At 19 he has the next 12 years planned out. God willing they will go as such, I loved having him home with us for the 4th and as usual breaks my heart when he leaves. My son, pre-med.