Posted in my thoughts, Parents, Psychology, self-help, tips & tricks, Uncategorized, WOW Stuff

Injection form of suboxen?

Now for you who do not know, suboxen is a small film medication that you put under your tongue to dissolve and is used to treat opioid addiction. It stops the ability to feel the effects of opioids, stops withdrawals and helps with urges for opioids.

It started in a hexagon shaped orange colored pill form and comes in, 2,4 and 8 mg. ( I believe that is all but don’t quote me) When companies or agencies realized that people had started crushing and snorting it to get a high like effect, a contradiction to its use, they had to rethink it. It sold quick and easy on the streets and they all were exactly the same with No way to trace them back to the original prescription owner. They made a generic that was not as strong and from what I remember didn’t stay long. I think they turned that into the subutex, a form given to pregnant woman that would help with cravings and withdrawals but not be as harmful to the baby. If one did too much suboxen they would nod off, or fall asleep, pass out, doze off, etc,etc,etc,

Then they made the film form, something that as far as I know, there is no way to exploit so it worked for its needs except they still were able to sell films on the street, in Maine the street value of suboxen is usually $1.00 a milligram, some people double it. Now the films come in little envelope type squares with a cut up in the corner so you could rip it open, they also have bar codes and batch numbers, making it easier to trace and check to make sure the envelopes all matched the batch they were supposed to be in and to the person they were supposed to be prescribed to, that made it a very minor harder to sell but not much..

So, now we have this once a month injection thing coming out. That will definitely help with the doing more than prescribed or selling issues, but, it’s still addicting and still just another form of suboxen. Not really going to help with the opioid crisis.

I have been a recovering addict for 13 years, on suboxen, after a roughly 2 or 3 year affair of drug use. I literally started at the bottom on a 500 mil of Vicodin’s and went up from there, never booted though. I had my limits and the whole thing started with prescribed pain medications for myself, then I lost my doctors, so I was introduced to a whole new world. Being a single mother, you will do what ever it takes to be able to care for your kids, never mind the consequences.The withdrawals from the suboxen are worse than from the pills and my body is weak with my Addison’s disease it makes them deadly for me. I will be able to get off it someday. I am down to 2 mg a day. , and have been stuck at that amount for 5 years. I am tired of it.

Posted in my thoughts

And it starts…..

I haven’t had the best life and most of it was brought on myself, bad decisions, poor judgement and all that goes with it. I had 2017 like a dream from someone else’s life, everything was beautiful, every day I felt like a different person but feared it would not be so in 2018. I don’t want to be right. I know nothing will take my husband and family but if I become a financial burden, if my dr appt, meds and needs become overwhelming, it scares me.

In sept before we even got married I called and talked to someone from Dhs about my Maine care, my medical insurance, I have always had it and people were saying I would loose it once I got married. The woman whole heartedly reassured me that it was not true and even if it came to a change in it that it is a slow process and they give you lots of time and help to figure it all out.

Well guess what, time for my review came and I was told to do this and that instead, then my pharmacist called and said my insurance wasn’t working. I call, again and said I was just in last week with the information that I was told to get, oh no, I don’t know why you were told that, you need to do the review first even if you are changing all the information. So while I am jumping through hoops to get another bunch of papers done, I am out of meds and worried about my life. I need my medicine to live. Literally. I have Addison’s disease and need my meds to survive. I know David would never risk anything coming close to my running out of that medicine but I have others and I am out of two now. I can live but won’t be happy. I really have never had to deal with anything like this. Filing out the papers , they don’t care about loan payments or credit card debt, they want to know gross pay and necessary living bills. The house and vehicle , assets , his work stuff, all the stuff they take out for, not included, they look at our income so differently than how we actually live. I was living in a rent paid apartment, getting food and lights paid for as well. I left that stuff behind and just want the medical but now I see why so many people stay living on the states dime to keep it. I’m totally stressed and overly anxious about it all.

Posted in my thoughts, Uncategorized


I have posted before about my best friend and her struggle with mental illness and how it effects us all, but this time was different. Her bipolar has been a struggle for her in the past year more than she even let on to me. She has been in and out of the hospital many times , last I told you about her just getting better when her baby daddy died unexpectedly. They shocked her and she was gone, nothing like my best friend, her memory was mush and she was a zombie. Since then she has been up and down but I thought doing better. Today I got a call, she was back in the hospital and it was bad. The kids had been suffering with knowing it was happening, she was doing so much and I had no idea. I noticed by her Facebook posts that she was not right but pushed it away.  She has been keeping so much from me and I had no idea. I know if I was around and has seen her or the kids and house I would have known but I haven’t been and now I feel like I let her down. The kids are good now with her ex roommate there with them and can be there as long as needed. They say at the hospital she’s better today but they have no beds and her dr won’t be available till Monday. She just got a new job as in a week or so ago and has to work Monday and Tuesday but won’t be out and I can’t do the FAML(family and medical leave) papers for her. She was so good for ten years , her dad died a few years ago and it was hard on her but then when her baby daddy died she’s been manic since.  I feel so helpless.

Posted in My Photos of Maine, my thoughts, organized, Parents, photography, Shared, tips & tricks, Uncategorized, WOW Stuff


Never will I be ready to watch you leave. The day you arrived was the day my life truly began. Never could I have imagined my boy would grow to such a wonderful young man, never because I doubted you but in doubt of myself. I am so proud of my son. At 19 he has the next 12 years planned out. God willing they will go as such, I loved having him home with us for the 4th and as usual breaks my heart when he leaves. My son, pre-med.