I went to see my younger brother today and as usual we talked about the family. I told him a lot on how I feel and he told me I was wrong pretty much. I said our mother was never there for me growing up, he said that makes no sense she is great to me and our older brother. I said whatever came into memory and he said it is out of our mothers character. I brought up, I wasn’t a problem kid like she says, how was I so bad, I didn’t come home pregnant till 22, wasn’t a junkie, didn’t even loose my virginity till almost 16. I didn’t understand at that age how I felt or how to express any of it. He said he didn’t understand, mom was not like that at all that he has seen. He is about 13, or so years younger than me. I can’t believe all this is from my father living in a diff state, we made our peace with each other when I was 20. The thing that I can’t get past is my mother and older brother talked about taking my son from me. It blows my mind. Our house burned 2 weeks b 4 my son’s first birthday.we went to live with my older brother. Him and his wife tried to change me drastically. Not just my hair and clothes and I moved out after two months even though they really didn’t think I should. I don’t k ow if it was then or before that but he claims they say my son was malnourished and always had bruises. I can’t even begin to argue how wrong that is. I can get his medical records from that time but I don’t understand they never tried talking to me, I never had the state involved except for the volunteer programs I was involved in. He said something had to make them decide that Jacob needed to be protected, they were just looking out for the best interest of Jacob. I do not understand any of this. I wasn’t born messed up. I was made that way, I didn’t chose abusive men because I felt like I, I didn’t think I deserved better. It all came from some were. Did it just come from me?
Could it all just be me???
Tracey in Maine 
It sounds like your brother and mother just have a different relationship than you and your mother. It’s the same with my brother and my dad. My brother never saw the bad in my dad, and he will defend my dad until the end, over defending me, simply because he’s never seen the bad side of my dad. We (people) are alike, but in a lot of ways very different. So the differences in the relationship dynamics will happen. From what you said there are also some things that they did that you still don’t understand. Understandable! But it may help you to figure out why they did what they did, get to the bottom of it, even if they blame you. Then instead of blaming them, let it go if it’s not affecting you anymore. If it’s in the past, the only thing that hanging on to it does is weigh you down, not them. If they were wrong in their assessment, try to find it in your heart to forgive them. Remember people are wrong a lot of the time, and sometimes they act on those wrong ideas that they have. If you (we/all) don’t forgive and move on, it’s our own lives that we harm, not those that harmed us. God bless you and I hope you seek the wisdom of God through the Bible in this time. God wants to help, it’s wise to let Him 🙂
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Thank you so much. I really want to let it all go, I think for a large part of it I had until all this other stuff has come to the surface. I feel the weight. It has been so heavy on my heart for so long. I just need to make sure that my brothers wedding goes good. I want to be able to forgot for one day at least.
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Unforgiveness will eat at you, that’s why God doesn’t want people to hang on to it. It only causes you harm.
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I have reached out and made peace with alot of people from my past that I felt I wronged and asked them to forgive and I have done the same on most everything from my family part of my life. I hope I can get past this I think I just need to talk to one of them but everytime I start to try to talk to my mom I just cry instead.
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Good for you, and I agree it’s not an easy thing to do at all.
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Hi Tracey. I really, really was helped with this set of sermon, if you’re interested. I thought it was so great, it should really be helpful, for anyone. It’s all by Chris Hodges, Pastor at Church of the Highlands:
https://www.churchofthehighlands.com/media/message/checked-baggage
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