Stop Apologizing To Toxic Boyfriends
Two boys, same father, mothers are very similar, same town, about 6 years apart.
One mother says that’s enough, gets help and tells dear old dad, do not call or visit unless you are sober. That was about ten years ago, haven’t heard from him since.
Second mother (and dad have a daughter as well ) actually gets into serious car accident chasing dad, which has been the way for the past few years and is in a wheel chair for the rest of her life. While she is in the hospital, dad does not take care of them, gram does, dad does not come around, does not help. Mom gets out and still insist the kids can see dad anytime they want or he wants.
Son from mother one, is 20, has a personal physical trainer business while putting himself through college on his way to Med school next year.
Son from mother two, is 26, has three kids and signed off on one of them at birth, is an alcoholic and has been in and out of youth centers and then jails his whole life. Currently does not have kids, even though he knows they are in a bad place, is a narcissist that takes the easiest way in ever way.
There is such thing as a parent being more harmful to their kids by being around then not. It is a choice made in the best interest of the child, harder for the single parent, puts more on that parents shoulders and a lot of times makes them the bad guy, but,
As a parent, we can handle it. We can carry it so they don’t have to, we swallow the names and hatred they may feel towards us , because we can handle it. The destruction caused by thinking dad, or mom, left them, didn’t want them, didn’t love them, all of it, any of it, would be a lifetime of pain they would be dealing with and may never fully heal from. We can let them hate us, think we sent them away, let them think whatever they need to until they are old enough to know and understand the truth, because we can handle it. We can carry it, so they don’t have to.
7 Signs of Narcissistic Abuse – Infographic
I started therapy as soon as I knew I was pregnant. I was a messed up person, all my life I had done things I could not understand or explain, I was in the mental ward of the hospital once for a month as a teenager and it did nothing but mess me up more. I lied to anyone who would listen, always felt inside I was just made bad. I took the normal families teasing and messing around personally, and just didn’t understand why I felt so sad inside at times.
That was just as a teenager. I was 22 when I got pregnant. I had multiple abusive relationship and allowed myself to be bossed around and insulted, I couldn’t explain my feeling and turned to anger. I had just recovered from almost dying from the doctors not diagnosing my Addison’s disease till the last-minute and now had to depend on a little pill just to stay alive.
My sons father was an abusive one and an alcoholic who I went back and forth with till Jacob was a year old and we lost everything in a house fire. He went to jail for three years and I became free of him. I knew I had to work on so much to be able to raise my boy so he didn’t turn into his father or a serial killer!
I thought I failed till he turned 18 and literally flipped a switch. He had been caught shoplifting, drank and smoked pot, and I had to have the police take him to school many times. Now he’s 20. He is home for summer break from college which he got into and started from going to job Corp which used to be just were judges sent kids, but, he has his diploma even tho he had to take extra classes to get, he has a CNA license, an ECT license and personal trainer license, but, he is still completely inconsiderate, kinda selfish and seems to have no empathy. I know it could be so much worse but it is killing me! We have so much on our plates right now but he just ads more. Doesn’t seem to care or just doesn’t remember anything I tell him or ask him. I feel I failed him. We’re did I go wrong , what did I do, or not do to make him become like this?, especially since I am a “give the shirt off my back kind “of person….
From my own personal experience, someone who was “cheated on” by there husband does not go have an affair with a married man.
In my opinion someone who is a parent, a good parent, can not say someone else’s kid should go with out the essentials to live , if it means anything less for them!
Someone who lies a lot to their kids, who constantly puts down the other parent to the kids, who does everything possible to try to make everyone and anyone think that parent is a horrible person, and gets away with it for years, is not just a pitiful, disgusting, selfish , sorry excuse for a parent, but for a human being!
The faith I have in Maine state department of child support, child abuse, the court system, all of it, has wavered so much lately, to be told the mental and emotional abuse of kids is unimportant because they are 10 and 12, shocked me. They can take care of themselves.
The thought that things will not be seen fairly for each family, his kids deserve it yes, but why does that mean mine doesn’t?
Please someone tell me, that these two boys are not going to be screwed up for life? We can only help them so much only having them for two nights a month, we want so much more time, please let the fathers rights be seen as actually equal as the moms. Joint custody means so much more than what we get, we have to fight and argue for school information, for special event information,
i am so tired. When will the world stop being filled with so many hateful people?Why aren’t the kids the most important thing?
Both lie to the kids, both treated the men like crap, both are mentally and emotionally abusive, they are both evasive, manipulative and seem to have all the power they think they have.
I can’t think of another way to stress myself, frustrate and mentally exhaust myself then to have to deal with both of these woman on a daily bases!
David’s ex will try to only say or do anything when I am not around cause she knows I stand right up to her and give it all back. She has no concerns for her boys hearing anything cause she always seems to be able to make it our fault somehow.
When we had just moved and went to get the boys once , she was drunk and came over to the car to complain he wasn’t putting the child support direct deposit anymore, she said to him, “look at you, you are all, unkept,!” I popped my head up above the car on my side to be eye-level with her and told her that she didn’t need to worry how he looked , and I said,” I like his hair grown out like that and told him he should keep it that way. ” She replied in a very snooty way , with her hand going from her waist up into the air and with her son standing next to her, “Well why don’t you just go fuck him then!” Then after some days later we were told by the little one that mom had told them it was all because she had always wanted him to grow his hair out for her but he had always said no.
Now they have had the huge task of keeping her out of the alcohol and we can do nothing? They are old enough to call for help if they think they will need it. That was the response given to us my the state. So mental and emotional abuse are not actually considered a problem in the state of Maine.
My grandkids have seemed to disappear, I called the state and left a message that my grandsons school has not seen him in two weeks. We shall see how that turns out.
I have a great relationship with my husband, a dream like intensely easy, relaxed, open and perfect for us relationship. I have great boys, a new house that we are fixing into our dream home, so many good things going for the first time in my life but these two thorns in my side still manage to keep me awake at night, give me horrible thoughts of these kids futures and drain me.
I have through the years kept journals, diary or just a reminder note in my devices on stupid things my grandkids mother has done and now that I want them, now that it is time to start fighting, I can’t find any of them! I have a new computer, they must be there, somewhere.
David filed a motion to modify for his child support even tho since we did that his pay has gone back up , we are still pushing for all the other things we requested as well.
To have the kids every other week during the summer, to have her reminded she is to include and consult with him on things that concern the boys health and welfare in any way, to stop trying to turn them against him and , or, us! Some other things that she had a total fit over, he also has a very good medical plan that would save her a lot of out of pocket but has refused to allow him to put the boys on.
Since they made the order, he has a new job, a house with a mortgage and a disabled wife with two dependents. Normally a new wife and step kids are not part of the consideration but since I have no income we are. Normally he would be told it was his problem he has a mortgage now not his kids but I think considering my kids deserve to have a good life as well it will not be the same. We are now waiting for the court date.
I think hate is a strong word that I very rarely use but I really think I hate both of those people.
It is one stupid idea after another, Im trying constantly to prove this and that are wrong, wondering how can they not see the damage they are putting on them?
Since David ant I got together his social path ex wife has done everything possible to turn those two boys against him. She started it the day they were born. The marriage was a sham, two years in he had his own room but she was a closet drunk so he stayed for them. Now he realizes how bad that was and her drinking has caught up to her. The drs said no more drinking at all. She is an alcoholic and coming home to her two kids. They want to help mom of course, so they are told to break any alcohol they see her with. Don’t let her drink. So now these two young boys are given the responsibility of keeping an alcoholic away from alcohol!
If anything goes wrong they will blame themselves! REALLY!!!!
In the same sentence nana says, they are all that matters, if she wants to drink let her it will be her fault not mine and they asked what they could do to help,
Then we have the grandkids stupid mother who has decided her new man is now the kids daddy, my grandson has been out of school for a week and when I try to ask I am told not to call back or she will put a pfa on me! My stepson is in jail so she is doing whatever she wants with those kids and along with her mother who helped her rob me a couple years ago trusting type and her bipolar self who knows what is going on. She has been a big balls of lies and more lies since day one, so many she will totally forget and not have a clue what I am talking about but when I sent her a screenshot of her saying it, I am the bad guy, I am the one whose is denied the kids for months.
Has the world always been filled with so many narcissistic parents?
Is that how the world got like this is it just keeps going generation after generation??
Prison Brides: ‘Hybristophilia’ And Women Who Fall In Love With REALLY Bad Boys
Prison Brides: ‘Hybristophilia’ And Women Who Fall In Love With REALLY Bad Boys
— Read on thoughtcatalog.com/jim-goad/2018/06/prison-brides-hybristophilia-and-women-who-fall-in-love-with-really-bad-boys/
Hate is a very strong word that I do not use lightly but dealing with her for the past 5 years has truly been horrifying. To say she is a narcissistic person would be putting it lightly. Short version, she is a horrible mother, and I could go on and on about all the things we have had to go through with her. My step son is spineless and does not stand up to her at all even though she has got married, every guy she has been with is the new daddy and at this point he is not even aloud around them, to even talk to them or anything. He just takes it. He will loose them.
She hates how much they love me , she is so mentally and emotionally abusive to them and uses them over everyone to get what she wants. They were here with us Friday to Sunday in which time they went outside to play and my grandson playing with his skateboard, crashed. He was scared more than anything and calmed down very quickly with a skinned knee, scratch on his neck going to his shoulder and a fat lip. She flipped out and in the argument sent a picture of his knee and it was way worse than it had been here. No surprise, her mom had them but she didn’t say anything so it all went on me. I have bent over backwards for her, she robbed me of almost 700$ plus the money I gave to them for everything , supporting them for months at a time, it just goes on but once again it is I will never see them again, loose her number, on and on and on. I get so stressed and upset it usually makes me sick. I know I could not handle raising them on my own but have thought of taking them for years. Her husband is an actual good guy to them so it has helped them out a lot having him around but now I am stuck once again with decisions, wait till she needs something and calls, try to lie and smooth my way back in or just spend tons of money going for grandparents rights.
The worst thing about it all is what she is doing to them .
And, David’s ex wife is just as bad but in different ways. One is bad enough, but two!!!
5 ways to deal with a narcissist once and for all
My name is Kathy Stremcha
August 1st I rushed my dog to the emergency hospital in Middleton Wisconsin. Got him in there they took an x-ray, came back told me it was bloat. I told them well fix him basically. They told me their policy is money up front before they can proceed. No no no….I want you to get him in there please he’s my baby!
We need 3000.00 before we can proceed. I told them I can get if but he’s sleeping he’s a truck driver and he’s not answering the phone. PLEASE GET HIM IN THERE. Nope…I had to choose let him suffer,or put him to sleep. That is ridiculous he was everything to me….my constant companion( Dr.orders) I have ptsd and agoraphobia.. he was Akc registered Great Dane (blue) champion bloodlines….and they took him from me.
The way we raise our kids always comes back to us.
I started off wrong with my boys but saw that and corrected it early enough for them to be mentally and emotionally stable when it was time, example. My son jacob is currently working as a CNA and is not stopping there, he wants to be a dr. A mother like me could not be more proud. He grew up in rentals his whole life and was broke always but that didn’t stop him and I hope it never stops any other kid!
Now if you completely smother them, manipulate them into believing what you want them to about people especially, it will come back. Point blank….
A mother tells her new husbands mother, u will never see him or any children we have….
Tell the kids awful lies and make up stories to try to make them always see things your way and never ever in dads way, try to keep them always under your thumb….
What do you really think will happen when they grow up??? Either, one, dad smarten ups and leaves and as time goes they meet all these people they were never allowed to meet and one day actually think, hhhmmmmmm.
Or , they grow up and marry a controlling , abusive woman just like mom and you never see them or your grandchildren again…..
Either way, you are digging a bigger hole.
And somewere inside , she knows. Her parents have told her, people have left, she drinks herself a box of wine every night…. she knows…