I have two biological boys, one is in college and the other is 16 , Branden, and lives at home with me and David. I have always counted on him to be the responsible one, he was the common sense of the two, I sent him with his older brother and friends so I knew they would be safe. He is polite, empathetic and cares for everyone. The only things I have ever been able to complain about with him has been his grades in school and his inability to keep his room clean. I know I caused most of his cleaning issues myself by getting tired of waiting or thinking he was doing something wrong, and doing it myself. I also know I always just pushed them to pass, not to do their best, I know everything we do and say to our kids or in front of our kids forms the adult they become.
Today I was hit with seeing my son was high. He had three friends over, I know they do not have the option to hang out other than school together, my son NEVER asks for anything, literally he has to think for days to tell me birthday and Xmas things he wants, so when he does ask I usually say yes, hence the three boys over. He openly told me one of them smokes pot and asked me if I would tell him he could not be friends with him, we had a discussion on pot then. No , his friend does not offer it to him, no , he is not stupid he saw what it did to his brother, he would not get in a car with someone but call me instead, etc, etc, etc. All the same things he has said most of his life. Then he went outside with his friends later that day and got high.
I am feeling so many things and I have a ball of emotions growing bigger by the minute growing inside my gut. I know teens try drugs , usually though it is because they are either , trying to fit in or because they are unhappy and it is a release.
I feel betrayed like I do not even know him, I feel lied to and played like a piano. I have the pamphlets and all the information on how to talk to your kids about drugs and how to tell if your child is high and so on, but , none of them prepared me for this.
I feel lost, I do not know how to handle this.
From experience, I suggest early intervention vs intervention later. I don’t mean something dramatic, I mean just anything. Look around to see what’s available in your community. This is typically a result of peer pressure, so don’t automatically just assume it’s you and you did something wrong and now you have to fix it. See if there is something for him to attend, but ask him, feel out his interests-telling him to attend something he doesn’t want to will backfire. He doesn’t want pressure. He still needs you, and although this seems overwhelming, get in the ring with him. Be there for him, don’t run from this. But at the same time don’t push. It’s a delicate operation, but you can do it. IF you need help, seek out help from those services or activities available in your community. Probably most important is find out what he likes, what interests him. Then go from there, and stick with what he likes, not what anyone else wants for him. For example, if it’s art, see if there is a class he can attend for the type of art he’s interested in. If he likes working on cars, see if there is technical school or apprenticeships of some type. If this all seems like work, it is-but he’s worth it, and it will pay great dividends. Not stepping in right now also has consequences, although it isn’t all on you, there is usually not a good result to leaving this issue alone. Be encouraged friend, and I will keep you and your family in prayer.
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Thank you, my husband and I have been waiting for all the company to leave and then planned on talking to him. I have tried to get him to do something, anything outside of the house but he always says no or that there is nothing he wants to do. I would do anything for my boys, hopefully this summer we can get him doing something. I went through it with my older son and hoped I would not have to with him. Thank you for your advice.
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Keep searching…don’t give up! Find that one thing (even if it’s only one!) that interested him, there has to be something. Albeit, he may not even know what it is yet 😉
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