My suboxen weening process has been going great still. I need to get to another endocrinologist since my other one closed the office last minute, like literally. They called Monday to remind me of my appointment on Thursday, then called Wednesday to say the office closed for good??? Ok. Soooo, my primary is not sure how to deal with anything other than the normal monitoring of my levels.
I am still only taking 1 mg a day and still terrified to go down any more.
For 12 years, maybe 15 I have been doing suboxen because I became addicted to opioids. I have health issues and they told me all the time, (the dr’s )that my body could not handle detox that it would kill me. I died the day I did my first drug. I am tired of it, I don’t want to do this anymore.
I can’t keep dealing with the shame of being an addict. My husband has never even hit a joint! For real! He doesn’t understand at all but he is trying. I cut down to 2 mg months ago and for the past two day I have been doing one. It is not in my head, the lack of energy, the lack of motivation, I also have more pain than normal but I can think that away with the weather. I have to trick myself into not being affected by this. I need to know what it is like to feel normal, but with my Addison’s I won’t ever, so how normal can I get?
I need to sleep. I’m so tired. Igo through fazes of not sleeping and last night I woke up and could not go back to sleep and I need to sleep. I am supposed to get 10-12 hours with my illnesses. I have to break that now before it really starts or it will be so much harder .
My son, the pre Med one, he knows all about it and he just says, mom who cares, u r not an addict, I think you should just leave it alone. But, I still feel it. I want so bad to change. I need to not have soo many regrets and not wish I had done this and that. I will not be ever to just travel if I am still on this crap. I will accomplish one big thing in my life besides my kids, even if it is the only think I ever do.
Laws of attraction, God, Angels, the universe, which ever one you believe in, please help me. Please.
Trying to change my way of thinking. I have everything I need but keep finding reasons to not be able to finish my room, not able to do or make. I wanted to monetize my creative side and now that I have all I need I can’t get my butt in gear and do anything?? I think somewhere inside I am afraid to fail, think I am not good enough, I sabotage myself constantly. Maybe I just think to much.
I see and read all about changing your way of thinking ,changing your inner voice, subconscious, the values and beliefs you instilled as a child that now as an adult know are not right…
it is so mind exhausting to constantly be trying to figure out what has been holding me back from accomplishing anything in my life. I know I have the ability to do it. I know I have the skills and tools needed……
I was on a path to success, 21, already to be assistant manager at the convenience store I worked at, had my own apartment, was dating a pilot, moved in together and I started getting sick. I ended up working less and less and then quit all together, I started not eating, sleeping all the time, needing to sit all the time, hair was thinning out, skin turned yellow, after 6 months , I weighted 90 pounds, could not stay awake more than maybe an hour in a day and even when I was laying down felt like I needed to lay down. When Portland hospital finally diagnosed me I would have had maybe a couple weeks left to live. My life has never been even close to the same. The older I got the more illnesses you can add to the list and I had given up. I accepted my life was as it was. Then my husband fell into my lap! How many woman can say they found true love, never ever going anywhere or doing anything?
Now I have the husband, the house and all I could ever ask for. So what is my problem?!!!!