Posted in my thoughts

She is choosing death for vanity


My best friend of 18 years is bipolar and it has been a roller coaster for the past few years. She had nothing happen for ten years and then her dad died, she started to fall some and then her baby daddy died and that was it. She is alone with two kids and has been in and out of the hospital with ups and downs for the past 2 years. Her most recent trip she met a guy right before going in. He is in his early 20 and she is in her mid 30 but doesn’t look it. She got pregnant, he is thrilled and she is not now that she has leveled out again. She just found out today that it is a girl and she is horrified, says she could only raise a nasty slut like her and has already decided the baby will be better off with out her. Then they tell her the placenta is over the birth canal so when she goes into labor she will bleed to death. She refuses to have a csection, says it will make her ugly and she can not take any opioids or will get addicted again. I told her there are other ways, they don’t prescribe opioids for nerve pain, it doesn’t matter what you did before but what you do after she is born, everything I can to talk her out of the negative. She doesn’t have a car anymore so is not seeing her councilor anymore. She says it is not fair to let her be cut for a kid she is not going to be in its life, so keep her, I can’t I will only end up being horrible to it and she will b just like me….. my head hurts, my heart hurts, I don’t know what else to say. She would rather die than be cut, and insist this baby will b horrible. I just feel so horrible and useless.

Posted in My Photos of Maine, my thoughts, Parents, Uncategorized

Devastated


My heart is on fire with grief, guilt is taking over, my responsibility to my loved ones who counted on me has been betrayed. I opened the door, I let my beautiful girl outside at night and then left her out side when I went to bed. I killed my best friend. My precious girl, she was an angel, she was the most well behaved animal I have even had the pleasure of meeting. She didn’t get up on things or rip things, she never ever not used her litter box. She was very simple and happy. She deserved so much better. She was only 7. I can not forgive God anymore, he has taken so much from me, I don’t need to be stronger! I don’t need to endure anymore great pain! I have had so much pain in my life. I mean, cmon, my Adrenal Glands were so over used by the time I hit my 20 that they quit at 22! Not deformed or any other reason, they were just exhausted! I understand a lot of the things that have happened in my life and I even understand the reason behind them and I did need to learn to be stronger and I was. But I have lived through it, I beat the pain, I saved myself and my kids from all the abuse and I made myself into the person I am now. I beat cancer. I have over come and have my rewards for my troubles. I have the most perfect man for me that could ever be, we have our quirky house, and we have our boys. Yes, his ex is still mentally and emotionally abusing his two and my grandkids are in a horrible situation but we are dealing, Day by day. How could anyone possibly thing I didn’t still need her! How could anyone think I could just get up and move on with out my shadow? She has been next to me every day since she could walk. She was my sunshine, my happiness and my baby.

Myah May Lee August 2011-August 2018

WhaT is all this about August? She was born and then God took my only 2 best friends ever in August?

Posted in Shared, WOW Stuff

Veteran-Run Business is Left Destitute When Equipment is Stolen, But People Spend $15K to Replace It


Veteran-Run Business is Left Destitute When Equipment is Stolen, But People Spend $15K to Replace It

https://inspired-motivation.com/veteran-run-business-is-left-destitute-when-equipment-is-stolen-but-people-spend-15k-to-replace-it/
— Read on inspired-motivation.com/veteran-run-business-is-left-destitute-when-equipment-is-stolen-but-people-spend-15k-to-replace-it/

Posted in my thoughts

How to know


People come and go in our lives, some you stay in contact with and some you don’t. Some are always within reach, some become just acquaintances or someone you used to know. Last Sunday I found out that someone I was once good friends?, buddies, with, how to even define it now?, but he passed away. (We hung out as teens, have been in the same social circle since then, talked once in awhile on Facebook but he left state , we had a death in our circle way back when that made some of us closer for life and he was one of mine.) It was a shock to lots of people, then we found out the news report said he was homeless!!!?? As people started looking and digging into things he had been in a lot of trouble, had got in to cocaine, was arrested multiple times for varies things?!!? He was in Vermont and we here in Maine were just incredibly shocked as more and more came out.

Some things said was if anyone had known he was in such bad shape they would have helped him, but obviously he didn’t want us to know. If we had known we would have gone and got him and brought him home, but we didn’t . I understand his shame and not letting us know but how far is far enough? They have no idea what happened to him or how he died? He was only 45.

It makes me realize, we tell the depressed and the addicts to reach out for help, but what if they can’t? What if they are too ashamed? Do we just sit back and loose them forever? I never had a chance to even think maybe he was in trouble,

Posted in my thoughts, self-help, Shared, Uncategorized

Empaths


This hits home with me, I am an empath. Most my life I just thought I was a basket case, always emotional and misunderstood by everyone. I think I suppressed it for so long that now I can keep it buried sometimes if out in public. It has effected my life in so many ways, I hardly ever leave my house, it takes so much out of me and I already have a medical illness that does that on its own.

awarenessact.com/many-people-avoid-empaths-because-of-these-5-reasons/