I look at the other blogs I find and follow and see so much wisdom and beauty in pictures and words and also so much pain. I feel like a sponge always searching for more to absorb in self- health, metal and emotional health and sometimes I have so much to say that I can not say a word.
I have lived through every kind of abuse as I climbed up the ladder to mental health. I have had a “normal” childhood but found myself one screwed up person. I have grandkids who deserve so much better than what they have and live each day knowing to save them I would have to loose them due to my health not being good enough to care for them myself. But, is that just what I tell myself? Is it really me using my health as a crutch? Is my health even as bad as I think it is or have I just convinced myself it is?
I procrastinate like crazy, I would even say I am lazy. At times I do nothing and accomplish nothing in my day. My life changed completely finding my soulmate and he loves me as I am. He works his butt off to give me all he thinks I should have. I have survived but never actually lived. I was a hobbit only leaving my house when I had to, but was it because I was just to lazy to take a shower and care to a point about my appearance? I did this for years, I mean like ten years of wasted life.
I have so much to explore in mental health still. I know we can never stop growing inside and have found I actually enjoy psychology and reading about just how we work as people.
I also have piles of stuff and pages of ideas of things I want to make and create. My house is still not together yet. We are always working on it. At this time I have no kitchen. So much but at the same time nothing.
This is me today.
