Tag: Relationships

Posted in Psychology, self-help, Shared, tips & tricks, Uncategorized, WOW Stuff

Signs You Are A People Pleaser

Posted on by queentracey1

There is a big difference between being a people pleaser and simply being kind. Being compassionate towards others is what life is all about. However…

Signs You Are A People Pleaser
Posted in my thoughts, Parents, Shared, tips & tricks, Uncategorized, WOW Stuff

Feelings of emptiness

Posted on by queentracey1

I was lost when my oldest son left for school, it had been him, his brother and me against the world for so long. We had gone through so much together, homelessness, loss, stability, over whelming happiness, from one end to the other. My boys where my best friends, and when one of them left, oh man.

Thankfully that was the same month my now husband found me again after 20 years. I made him wait two months before I was willing to go out with him because I was trying to adjust to my son being gone, not just find someone else to fill that void.

Now it’s been 5 years, my son has lived about an hour away since then, he has come home for the summer first then got his own place. I love coming down stairs in the morning to find he had been home and was doing laundry or wanted a place to rest before driving home. He has been with a girl named Blake now for, well I am not sure, a year, two years, around two I believe, and we love her to pieces.

Blake is good to him and you can tell he is just head over heels for her. Blake has gotten a job offer from Ralf Lauren in New York and a place in Boston. I know my son will follow her which ever job she chooses.

Knowing my son, my baby, will be moving out of state takes my breath! I want what is best for him, I am so proud of him and , like I said, I love Blake. I am terrified though, the big city, him being miles away from home, thinking about it makes every hair on every place on my body stand straight up!

I know it is inevitable, he has his own company and can run it from anywhere, makes enough to survive off and pay his way through school, but that doesn’t mean it will be easy to except.

My first love, my son.
Posted in my thoughts, Psychology, self-help, Shared

I am drug free!!! After 20 years!

Posted on by queentracey1

I was put on opioids over 20 years ago for pain, I became addicted easily and the trials began. I guess I didn’t realize how addicted I had become, with my Addison’s disease, I’m tired all the time and when I started doing drugs they would give me energy, I could get up and clean the whole house in one afternoon! That was what I became addicted to, functioning.

Jump ahead a few years, now I’m in trouble. I have 2 kids and am terrified the state would take them if they find out so, I was introduced to suboxen. It was easy to buy it off the streets, then I moved and then it started all over again.

It became obvious to me I would need help so I bit the bullet and went to get it. 20 YEARS later, I was still on it. They told me I would never be able to get off it because of my immune disease, my body would not be able to handle it. I started going down by one milligram every like 6 months, give or take. The last part was the hardest, I went down to one milligram a day! Then I new it was in my head, I just stopped. I had to not think about it. Keep my self busy.

Now it’s been long enough that I don’t even think about it and I feel perfectly fine!! Sometimes I feel like I forget to do something, like I missed my meds or something, lmao. I didn’t count the days after a week because I knew I was good. I wish I could scream it to the world but, I had already told tons of people I was off so I didn’t have to worry about being robbed. My best two friends and husband have encouraged me and supported me the whole way. I thank god for them.

Posted in my thoughts, Parents, Psychology

Emotional baggage

Posted on by queentracey1

I was estranged from my family for years, like 10 or so. A few years ago I was able to push it all aside and reach out and I have continued to reach out a lot. Probably could be more, yes, but still.

I have lost my grandparents, my father and my mother lost a breast to cancer, ( which runs in the family, every female for 5 generations! Thank you mom!) so that has helped , reasons to get together.

They apparently believe it is all due to my husband , ??? 🤔 Yes he may say call your mom, but it was me that was able to push past old wounds. He’s lucky I love him! Anyway, I have learned things as a mother, as a woman and as a psychology major.

My mother didn’t know how to handle an emotional teenager, or an emotional anything really. She still doesn’t, it was easier for her to just say it was all me than to think something was wrong and I needed her. She will call and tell me point blank that she forgot to call and tell me…. Like when my grandmother died.

I say the phone works both ways, I like and comment on all the posts my siblings put on Facebook. I try to connect, and I know it has been a long time. I even told her I was sorry for being mad at her all these years for not being the mother I wanted. Something like that, she just looked at me and said “Yup.” I grew up alone, I went through years alone trying to raise my boys and deal with my health issues. When I realized my boys would need me to be better mentally and emotionally, I started therapy, I did what I needed to do to be the mother they needed.

The point of all this? I feel like I have not had a mother since I was younger than a teenager, I can’t say anything to her because she lives in her own world at this point and she wouldn’t even get it. She just looks at you with a blank stare when you say something she doesn’t want to hear or like. All the therapy and learning, I still can’t get past it.